A Mom with a Herd

Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T06:23:00.000-08:00

This year like ALL years previous we have so much to be thankful for. We have each other. I have a good job. I work with mostly amazing people. Some of them are a little off, but they are wherever we go. My sister and her husband are joining us for Thanksgiving. I am going to get our Christmas cards sent out this weekend. Then it will be done and I will not have to worry about it anymore. I am thinking of typing a Christmas letter. Something I have not done in a couple of years. But this has been a huge year for our family, so some things are worth noting. I am truly thankful for friends that listen and understand. I am thankful for my mom, my sister, my 5 wonderful children, and my husband who loves me even though I am CRAZY most of the time.

Gospel Thoughts

2011-11-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

As I listened to the lesson in Relief Society yesterday, I thought about the 4 groups of people talked about in relation to Lehi's dream. It did not hit me until some time later that the lesson was about being committed members of the church. The talk/lesson was in direct correlation with the another talk given in conference back in April. One of the general authorities gave a talk about being committed members of the church, not just buffet members. Anyone can pick and choose the principles they choose to live by like with any religion, but to get to where we want to be we must follow ALL of the commandments. I think about this and it has only been in the last couple of years that we have fully committed ourselves to ALL of the commandments. Not an easy task and we are far from perfect, but we are trying. Holding strong to the rod is so important in life, it will help us weather the storms that come our way and make the best choices for our lives.

Friend's Blog

2011-11-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

My wonderful friend in OR got me thinking this morning. She made a HUGE point on her blog. The most important thing we can do is SLOW down and enjoy the ride. How grateful I am for her and her friendship. I almost dropped the ball with her, but she was willing to overlook it and remains one of my true friends. I am thankful for the example she is to me. For her strength and courage. Good things are coming to her that I know for certain and because she is my friend I will get to know of them.

I have another friend that lives in WY. She is another example of strength. She and I have weathered a lot of the same trials and tribulations. She is strong and another example to me. I am grateful for her. Life moves along for the both of us, but reflection is a big part of learning why we have been through what we have.

We all have our trials, but it how we handle them, what we learn from them, and where we go from here is the most important part.

Starting something new and hoping for the best...

2011-10-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I start my new job at Taco Time as the store manager. The only left to do to prepare is read the manual and take the test for Food Safety Manager. Just a more in depth Food Handler's class. I am going to try and get this done on Tuesday morning before I start. We shall see what happens. We are working on getting Dave a place to live in Idaho starting in January. Waiting on his parents to help us with the application deposit. SERIOUSLY, maybe they are NOT sending it. It will drive me crazy if he loses a campus apartment, because they did not want to send us the money. It seems like the best deal available. All the rent comes out of financial aid right off the top. We are thinking he is going to fly up, I will send some boxes UPS, he will get a bike, and when he comes home in March for Spring break we will find him a car to drive back in. We will have a little more money to work with then and get a better car. Rather than just buying something to have it. I am truly grateful for ALL of the blessings that we have been given. I am certain Dave's calling was given to him more us, than the ward needing him.

I am looking forward to Halloween with the kids and getting life moving along...

Life is moving, or so I think it is...

2011-10-18T16:50:00.000-07:00

Dave is going back to Idaho in January. He is going to get the financial aid to do so. He will released from his calling. Given the bishop has been in for so long, I think it will just be a whole new bishopric. I am going to manage Taco Time effective November 1st. I attribute most of this news to being willing to change. Not just pray for blessings, but show action to help Heavenly Father give them to us. Dave is almost locked into a job upon graduation from law school. There is an attorney in town that lives in our ward that he will more than likely work for, when he is done. He is going to rent an apartment on campus, so he does not have to live with a roommate. Something we should have done last year. I am thankful for the growth in our marriage. It can be attributed to his calling in the bishopric. I have to thank the bishop and stake president for giving me my husband back. The kids have enjoyed their time with their dad. In the meantime, I will work as hard as I can so that we can make it financially in the next year and a half. I can say for certain that Heavenly Father does hear my prayers...

WOW

2011-10-01T18:16:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that it has been almost a month since I blogged. Life is CRAZY, but NOTHING has changed yet. We just keep praying, hoping, and having faith that something gives. Then we can get going. The thing I long for the most, getting going to my goals of owning a home and taking my kids to see things they have not seen before. Does not seem like too much to hope for.

Dave keeps on with his calling. He is picking up the slack for me. I appreciate him SOOOO much. I know I do not tell him enough. I will work on it. So many things to work on.

My wonderful Cameron turned 11 a couple of days ago. He has been hard at work with football and being the smartest kid at school. Although, he still assures me that he will learn something this year. I hope he does, because I worry he will bore with school and find something to occupy his time. Football will end and basketball will start!!!! The positive is that he will get to be the division where they actually keep score.

In a strange twist of events, I am now a visiting teacher to my neighbor that thinks I am the world's BIGGEST sinner and needs to be punished. We shall see how this goes. Maybe she will soften her heart. Maybe Heavenly Father will soften her heart, if she is open to it. I will pray for her.

As always, I am eternally grateful for the blessings we have.

Holding on

2011-09-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I have been avoiding this, but I have. It is hard for me to just put things out there and wonder if someone reads them, or what they may think. It must be human nature at times to worry what others will think. I usually do not, except those times in Relief Society when I wish I could comment. But then end up not, because of what people may think of what I have to say. Last week, I will not say what the comment would have been, could have been a good time to comment. But alas, I did not. Today was a wonderful lesson in never assuming that things are all sunshine and flowers for everyone else at church. My mom would say that I always look for the good in people and what they are doing. She says I go "Polyanna" on her.

Things have not gone at all according to plan the last few months. Now we are left wondering what life has in store for our family. We are holding on and hoping the Lord guides the way. I have faith and hope in that. That was the other message from Relief Society today. To never give up. It reminds me of the mormon message form Elder Holland about Good Things to come. I am grateful for the growth I have seen in my husband. He is a good man. I am hoping he can see it more and more. I am ever so grateful for the blessings in my life. Now if things would just come together for us, make a turn towards being more prosperous...I know Heavenly Father is listening.

Things are going...

2011-08-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

NO, from BYU. But Idaho is still ago, if we can just get the financial aid in order. We took care of what we needed to on Dave's credit report. But when they resubmitted for the loan, they used the credit report from May, not a new one. WELCOME, to the way things will be run if the government takes EVERYTHING over. Just saying is all. We have to wait for the paper to come in the mail that is for someone to endorse the loan. My aunt is going to do that for us. She is also going to let Dave use a car, while he is back in Idaho. There is a slim chance we would all move to Idaho, but it hinges on a job coming through for me. So, I tell Heavenly Father every night that we will follow whatever his plan for us is. It is the truth. If it is His will that I go at it alone again for another year, then I will. I am grateful for our time together as a family this summer. For his time with the kids. For the being together, as a couple. For celebrating our anniversary together. For the people who have helped us have a good summer together. We shall see what the next two weeks bring...

Maybe this week...

2011-07-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

Maybe this week we will have a plan in place for the fall. Maybe this week I have just a few more ounces of faith, so that things will fall into place. Maybe this week life settles down. Maybe this week I get called for a better job.

Life and all that jazz

2011-07-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

I am wondering when things will change. I know it is a matter of waiting and waiting...but I am hoping that something pans out for us. That things change for the better in a HUGE way. I pray and pray, I know my prayers are heard. It goes back to the waiting. Dave has withdrawn from the University of Idaho, because of the financial aid issue. I think today was a hard day for him. We are still waiting on BYU to let us know which they are going. We have looked into other graduate programs, which are doable for the Spring semester. But what to do about work and bills is a whole other issue. Like everything else, it seems as though we shall see...

Letting go and getting out of the way...

2011-07-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

We had the opportunity this evening to go to ward temple night this evening. Thanks to my mom for watching our children. We even had the opportunity to be "the" couple. We have never had that opportunity in 14 years of marriage. I am grateful for it. I got to sit next to a girl I knew from a long time ago. She is having a baby, it is a girl. She looked so cute pregnant! As I sat in the temple and contemplated our future, I realize more and more I am probably in the way of the plan the Lord has for us. So in the simple words of a girl I work with, Ruth, you need to just get out of the way. I am sure of this now. I need to just let go and let the Lord work his plan in our lives. NO news yet as to what might be in store for our family, but we continue to work at it, pray and have faith that something works out for us.

Last night, we had the opportunity to go up to Girls Camp. I am so grateful for the experience of being there with the girls with their wonderful spirits and partake in the spirit that was there. It is so peaceful there. Just sit in the trees and feel the spirit. It made me wish I had gone to Girls Camp more than just the 3 years I did go. I hope the girls can find the happiness they all are looking for. I hope they find it in the right places and not the wrong ones. It can be a hard go of it as a teenager, especially for girls. They are so impressionable.

I pray everyday that we find the right way for our family to go. That we are able to find a bigger house we can afford, that we can provide for them the things they need, be able to take them out of town some. Just the small things that make the daily grind a little less crazy...

Mired...

2011-07-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if mired is even a word, but it is how I am feeling. So out of sorts and wondering how or if things are going to come together for our family. How I wish I knew? Patience is something I am suppose to learn. I can have lots of patience. I just need to start planning, if we are going to make a move or not make a move. I am tired. It seems to be the story of my life. Working two jobs and trying to not just fall apart. But it is what it is. I am grateful for all the many blessings in my life. I am thankful to live in a country that allows me the freedom to worship in the church of my choosing. I am thankful for my 5 children for all of their unique personalities. I am thankful for the 14 years I have been married come the 12th. I wish for peace of mind. I will keep trying and I guess that is all I can hope for...

Humbling Experiences

2011-06-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

I have been so humbled in the last 24 hours. Life has been put into a bottle, shaken up, and then left for me to see what happens. As the day started out yesterday, I was making waffles and bacon to start the week off right. Dave was preparing to leave for LV and I getting ready to head out the door to the summer lunch program. My summer job I have been doing for a few weeks now. About 8 or so in the morning the phone rings, I do not recognize the number. I answer it, the voice says, Sister Fryer is Brother Fryer around this morning. I said yes, handed him the phone and went back to my waffle making. I wait to see what has been said. Minutes went by and he finally emerged from the conversation. He tells me, I better put on my church clothes, because we are headed to the stake center to meet with the Stake President. He says the man on the phone is going to call back with a time in a few minutes, because he had told him he was leaving for LV and I was going to work. Now my stomach is churning and my mind is reeling, seems like forever before the phone actually rings again. It does, I hand it to my husband. He emerges after forever from the conversation, tells me never mind about the church clothes, the SP is going to be there in his work clothes, so come as you are. Time creeps by, I am making more waffles, I shower and dress, then we are off. We are standing on the steps waiting for the SP to come. He finally gets there. He apologizes for not being more official. In my mind, I assume his very presence is official. We get into his office, he starts explaining the changes that are happening in our stake. How our ward is changing. With that change comes a new EVERYTHING. He then proceeds to say that he understands things are up in the air for us right now, but the extends the call to Dave to be a high priest and serve in the bishopric of our new ward. He accepts, explains he will be coming back and forth from LV every week until August and then after getting financial aid in order, oh yes, they are dragging their feet on it, we are planning to be off to ID. He understands, says life will happen the way it is suppose to for us. So, we will take it as it comes. Come Sunday, Dave will be a high priest and start serving the bishopric of our new ward. Seriously though, if you are reading this, I had to write it down, but it can not be revealed until Sunday. That was my first humbling experience of the day.

My second came at my job I have been working for the Summer. Basically the same job I have been doing at Head Start, just in a different setting. I, along with my people, make 200 lunches a day, and serve them in the park. So far, it has been uneventful. But yesterday was the exception. It was getting close to the end of the time we are suppose to be at the park with the lunches. With the wind blowing 30+ miles per hour most of the day, we did not have as many kids come. I can not blame them at all. A man pulled up in his beat up truck with no kids with him. He parked on the side of the road by the park. Something about it did not feel right. So then, he started watching the boys 7-10 or so, but pre-puberty. He watched and watched. He did it for quite some time. I finally called my husband and said should I call the police? He said yes. Being former law enforcement/military, he knows when things are not right. I called the regular number, because it was obviously not an emergency, yet. After watching the boys, he gets out of his truck and heads over to the bathroom, where some of the boys had been playing. I send the older boys who are with me at the park to follow him to the bathroom. They follow him in there, he seems agitated they said, also smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. He comes out, by now the police are watching him. He is still hanging out there at the park with the police watching him. Soon we are off with our leftover lunches, we take them to the homeless shelter. I do not know if something would have happened if I had not called the police, but I will NOT take that chance with children in the park. It needs to be a safe place for the kids to gather and eat a prepared meal that for some might be there only one.

The last one came after I arrived home from work. Dave called as we were getting in the door. He tells me that the truck he had been driving to LV died on the way into town. My uncle came from him. They loaded the truck onto a trailer and headed into LV. My aunt will help him get to his internship this morning. My uncle is going to take the truck to his mechanic to see what it needs to be fixed. Because the truck belongs to my mom, it will be up to her to decide what to do with it when the diagnosis comes in. In the mean time, my mom is going to make sure he is for Sunday. It will be a big, and overwhelming day.

We have been talking and going to move forward with trying to get Dave transferred to the law program at UNLV, so that he can come home on weekends and we do not have to uproot the kids just yet. That time is coming and we will do whatever Heavenly Father has in store for us. Life is changing in a way I did not see possible, although, I have felt for some time a calling for Dave was coming. But I assumed it would be in ID. Heavenly Father knows what is best for our family and my faith just gets stronger. If someone had told me I would be here 2 years ago, I would have laughed. I am not even sure I am fit to be the wife of someone in the bishopric. Definitely going to work on myself more, so that I can be the example I need to be. I am going to try...

Here we are...

2011-05-03T15:36:00.000-07:00

We found out yesterday that Dave's internship is unpaid. I am kind of reeling from it, but we will figure it out. Trying to figure out how we are going to make it through the summer and pay the bills. It will be a roller coaster ride for sure. Still not totally sure that we are going to move to Idaho in August. Things really just have to come together for it to happen. I am praying they do, because I am not sure I can go at it alone more than absolutely necessary. For a while, he needed to be gone and I stay here, as we needed to figure out where we were after a really long year prior to him going to school. I was not sure if we could make it back from having what felt like the grand canyon between us. It is easy to pretend in public, but not at home. So, I will just keep praying that something comes along that pays the bills through the summer and gas for my husband to drive back/forth from LV every week. It is a wonderful opportunity and definitely an answer to prayers. Just have to keep at it...

Something about me...

2011-04-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

This week has been a LONG one. From work to home and back again. I have learned that apparently, I should not ask personal questions at work. Which makes me wonder, they want us to get along with each other, but they do not want us to know anything about each other personally. Does this make any sense? I know I can not be filtered at times, but I work hard at it. Asking what someone is going to do, if they are not asked to come back next fall, for budget reasons. I did not realize that was "too personal." This is just one of the reasons why I am in "trouble" at work. I am hoping that things happen the way I want them to and I do not have to worry about it. I guess that time will tell.

Four more weeks, then my husband is home for his internship and for us to work out what happens in the fall. I will keep having faith. I know it is important...

It has been a while

2011-04-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

I have been pondering updating my blog. I go back and forth with it. I am eternally grateful for the blessings we have received from Heavenly Father. We have a better car. Dave has an internship in Las Vegas for the summer. He will be staying with my wonderful sister and her husband. They have graciously agreed to let him stay in their 2nd bedroom. The only thing left to find out is whether or not the internship is paid. We will know that when he starts to work. He was going to start June 1st, but he is going to be done with school for the semester before he thought, so he is going to go for his background check earlier. Which means he can start sooner. He has had at least 3 of them, so we are not worried there.

My son turned 8 on the 3rd of April. He is getting baptized on Saturday. His dad is coming to town just for him. He loves his dad. The adjustment to only having him here occasionally has been very hard on him. He wishes for living with his dad, almost as much as I do. Maybe more on some days. I am grateful for the opportunity he has been provided with to get more education and help make our family better. Good things are to come, of this I truly believe. As long as we follow the things we are asked to do.

I am still working on being the best mom I can be, but most days fall short of being the mom my kids need me to be. On a positive note, I have lost 5 or so lbs. I am hoping for more. Trying to be a thinner me too. It would help if I exercised, but going at it mostly alone with 5 kids and working make me one tired person. So, I will keep on with it for a time and see what happens. Maybe this summer brings walking with the wonderful lady that watches my kids. I am hoping for more than maybe, but at this point the weather needs to cooperate for it to happen.

What I believe...

2011-02-06T06:15:00.000-08:00

We all believe a lot of things. Most of us believe in God, about 95% of the world does. Most of us believe in working. Most of us believe in getting the most out of life.

Then there are the others who believe the world owes them EVERYTHING. I know we have ALL met these people. My life seems to be plagued by them, in the form of in-laws. But the biggest part I can not understand is why people can not just worry about themselves. Look around at their own circumstances and just try to improve them, rather than judging others. I for one, over the course of the last few years, have really taken to heart just worrying about myself and my family. It seems like such a waste of time to not just worry about ones own self.

These people I speak of that think the world owes them EVERYTHING is this, they also believe it is the world's fault their circumstances are what they are. But to me it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the ability to look around and decide that with faith/determination, we are going to change what we have. Not just wait for it to come to us. For these people, who have put down my husband for going back to school, I say this. He decided to not wait for a job to come to him. He could have spent a lot longer on unemployment, but that would have done NO good. He needed to start furthering his education. I truly believe it is the path that Heavenly Father wants him to be on. I realize nothing is certain in this life, but it does mean more avenues for earning a living.

The world owes us NOTHING. But if we are truly lucky we will earn all that it has to offer...

Better Blog NOW!

2011-01-29T07:19:00.000-08:00

I have NOT blogged in a while. I feel like things just get me mired down more each day, than the last. Not that too many people read this or care if I blog, but it helps to put thoughts down. I am really considering the paper and pen journal. It would be easier, but who knows what will happen? I am tired and hope that things get easier, as the time passes. Just yesterday I was telling Dave that I long for a life that is simpler than what is happening now. Being in Idaho would make things a little simpler for me, but not the kids. Not even finding a better van is a simple thing. But then it is the amount of money that has to be spent to get one. Not digging the payment idea, so cash appeals to me. However what can be bought for cash comes and goes with quality. Depending on the day. Then there is the issue of our tax refund. This year, hoping that ALL our ducks were in a row, we would get it in a timely fashion. But the government as stepped in with their, we will not reinstate the tax laws until after the IRS had reset their system. So, now we are sometime near the end of February for money that is needed. I guess patience in waiting is the key. Another lesson learned...seems like those are more frequent than I wish for.

I am working on my VERY last class for graduation. It is going to come together if I have to spend hours into every night to make it work for me, which it looks like that is what it is going to take. On top, of the whatever has to be done for my Cooperative Education class. I just pray she makes it simple. But we will see in the next several days.

My kids are thriving with the thought of little league going through their minds. Thoughts of the impending BIG move to Idaho. Then of course there is the issue of Dave's internship. That has to be lined up and in place for summer. If any of you out there know of one, drop me a line. I am on the web looking frequently. Even if it is an externship with NO pay, we will make it work. We will do what needs to be done, so that our family can get on a GOOD path for the future. Our kids need us to, as much as for the well being of our lives together as a couple and individual.

I am very grateful that my Heavenly Father is listening when I pray.

Christmas and the New Year

2010-12-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

Life moves on for us. I am excited about the opportunities that are going to present themselves in the coming year. I am excited about moving to Idaho and finding a new place in the world. My kids are just as excited. While packing and sorting are not fun, it is long overdue. Having not moved in 7.5 years, even though I am continually throwing stuff away, I want to dejunk.

I am excited about what life will bring. The new year will be good. I am forever thankful to the people that thought of our family this Christmas. Christmas next year will be completely different. Not sure it will involve anyone other than us and our 5 children. We shall see what happens. I have contemplated coming to UT for the holiday, but no way do I want to squeeze in two different family visits. Which would have to happen or someone would be offended. Life is definitely going to be different. I have faith it will be a good different.

What a difference a year makes

2010-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

We have come a long way in the last year for better or for worse. We have gone from unemployment to starting a law program. From wondering what the future holds to having the sky be the limit. From not graduating from SUU to graduating in May. From buying pull ups to having all of my kids potty trained. From wondering if my marriage was going to work to knowing we are where we are suppose to be. From living in UT to knowing that next year brings a big move to Idaho. From having two cub scouts to one boy scout and a cub scout. Although come April, it brings 2 cub scouts again. From having one priesthood holder to two priesthood holders.

Life moves on. We can either embrace it or get lost.

Being ready....

2010-12-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

On evenings like these, I wonder what I am doing. Just trudging along...I know it seems crazy, but it is true. It is hard to go at it alone. I know I have my kids, but the companionship is not the same. I am tired and cranky. Just like my little girls. I look forward to my final and Dave finishing up. He is coming home again on the 20th. At this point, I do not think it is a moment to soon. I am struggling inside. Just wondering how things will turn out for Christmas and beyond. It is the not knowing if all the bills will get paid this month. Really just everything. I am looking forward to the weekend. But tomorrow will be very busy with all that must be done. Then Sunday will come and with any luck, my kids will only get up and down in sacrament meeting 5 times instead of 10.

I know it all seems trivial, but it weighs on my mind...

Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T08:55:00.000-08:00

This year I am thankful for being able to rekindle what was lost for so long. I am going to miss my husband lots more this time, when he goes than when he left in August. I am so grateful things are better. We are both trying more. I am thankful for the blessings given to me by my Heavenly Father. My kids are better, because their dad is home. I am looking forward to merging our family together permanently in Idaho. It will be a good move for us and life will move on. The trick is to find the most suitable place for us to live with 5 children.

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I am looking forward to the Christmas break and holiday!

Paper for Class

2010-11-15T22:10:00.000-08:00

This is the paper I wrote and I am looking for suggestions:

Personal stress occurs within a person and refers to wear and tear on one emotionally and physically. While a little stress is positive and pleasurable as when one experiences uplift associated with falling in love, seeing a great performance, or watching an exciting athletic event, other stressors such as strong feelings of anxiety, frustration, and anger that are associated with life crises such as death of a family member, a divorce, a marriage, a new job, or change in one’s location may contribute to ulcers, heart disease, hypertension, migraines, and even suicide.
Relationship stress occurs outside an individual and refers to wear and tear on a relationship. Whereas personal stress goes on within the individual, relationship stress goes on between two or more persons. When there is omnipresence of interpersonal conflict, a little relationship stress is normal and unavoidable, but in the extreme relationship stress results in relationship dissatisfaction. Which can cause the deterioration, break up, or divorcing of a relationship.
It is my contention that personal and relationship stress go hand in hand. While the book does not elude to it too much, personal stress can cause relationship stress, as well as relationship stress causing personal stress.
According to the September 2010 issue of Developmental Psychology, a study was done to observe the stress levels in young, middle aged, and older adults to determine the association of daily stress and negative affect. The study took into account potential risk and resilience factors. The study revealed that all the individuals felt more stress on days they felt like they had less control. Whereas on days where they felt like they more control, they felt less stress. The researchers did find that higher stress happened in younger individuals, when control was less.
If a person feels powerless in a relationship, this will cause both personal and relationship stress. Feeling powerless can come from a variety of instances. Whether it be the feeling of being trapped, not having control over the decisions a spouse makes, or even just knowing which way to take the relationship.
In two other studies done by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, they examined the effects of mindfulness in relationships and how it impacted the stress level in relationships. The first study was done in a short time and the second study was done over time to replicate the findings of the first study. What they found in the studies is mindfulness was found to lower emotional stress responses and positive pre and post conflict change in perception of the relationship. It also helped in better communication quality in the discussion.
It can be inferred from the study that people in relationships can help their stress level by listening and being mindful of the person they are communicating with. Being mindful of the other person is so important. It goes back to letting go a little bit of the control and letting the person be who they are and be heard in a relationship. Somewhere there is a good place to be, where stress is less and relationships work.
About fifteen months ago, my husband lost his job. He graduated with a degree in History. He wanted to teach, but in the essence of time, he graduated without his teaching license. He continued to work at the manufacturing plant he had worked at for the four years it took him to get his degree. He had conflict in the workplace with his supervisor and decided it was time to part ways with the company. He found another job right away with another manufacturing plant. He did not like working there at all, but chose to for the benefit of our family. It forced him to look for employment that suited him better, than working in a manufacturing plant. All the while, I was trying to get him to find a graduate program to start. Maybe the time was not right.
He worked at the plant about sixteen months, when an opportunity came along to teach at residential treatment center. He had to get his teaching certificate. We paid the money to the State Office of Education. He was on his way to getting his license and enjoying almost every minute of his work experience. It had it’s challenges, because of the girls that came to the school. The situations they came from and the issues they were dealing with. The economy took a downturn and while people have money in a bad economy they tend to save, not spend. Enrollment declined and only being on his way to a teaching license, he was laid off.
This began a year long battle with both personal and relationship stress. He applied for many jobs and interviewed for some. Being overqualified for many and under qualified for others. I think the biggest hurdle on his resume was going from manufacturing to teaching. The question being asked or wondered, “Will you go back to teaching, if the opportunity presented itself?” maybe not legal to ask, but it did come up. In the meantime, he took the LSAT for law school as a back up plan. He applied to many schools and one in Idaho accepted him right off. We paid the seat fee. This was still months off and applications for job were still going out.
Our relationship was deteriorating. We had lost something along the way. I feared for it ending. Even now, with him being gone, I wonder what will come of us. The feeling of loneliness had set in for both of us. Sitting at opposites ends of the couch feeling like there was a huge gorge between us. I am not sure it is completely gone, but the time apart has been good for us. Realizing what we have and knowing what we need to work on.
The study of mindfulness is important to me. I think if I can let go of some of my control issues and think about my husband first we can make it. I am hoping he will find that mindfulness is important.
The study about control is important to me, because it helps me to see that I am not the only one out there like me. Although, I know I am not, sometimes it feels that way.
My personal stress is still high, because I do not know what the future brings for me or my family. The lack of control brings that on, but I do work on it daily. I have a lot of faith things will turn out the way they are suppose too. Our relationship stress is less, but we have been apart for three months now. I do know my kids need their dad and I need to do what I can to make things work.

Mind Reeling...

2010-11-11T09:22:00.000-08:00

For weeks, I have been wondering what will happen when my husband comes home for Thanksgiving. In 9 days, I am going to find out. I am worried and have some trepidation. My kids are looking forward to their dad coming home. In fact, they need him to come home. I hope our time together as a family is well. We shall see what happens.

I am grateful for all of the blessings we have. I am grateful for the opportunity that my husband has been given to further his education. It is important for him and for our family. I look forward to the day, when we move onward and upward in this life.

I am so proud of my 10 yr old. He is going to be competing in the district math challenge! He is awesome! He is smart and hopefully will put it to good use in the future. I am proud of all my children.

20 days to go...

2010-10-31T07:02:00.000-07:00

Meghan and Emma

Meghan

Emma

Zach

Yes, the countdown is on to the 20th of November! We only have 20 days left. I am so excited and the kids are excited. In the meantime, we have had Trick or Treating and a primary Halloween party! The kids had fun at both. Zach went to the activity for the last time in his primary experience. He did not go trick or treating, which worked out. He passed out candy to the few trick or treaters we got at our house last night.

I am so grateful for being a mom and the beautiful children I have been blessed with. We are working being a better family.

Cameron

Thomas

Magazine Article

2010-10-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

I was reading my Redbook Magazine. It always has some article about sex in it. Always some little tidbit to take away from it. This time it kind of surprised me. The article was about married women and how they do NOT talk about sex with their female friends. This kind of fascinates me, because while I read the article it talks about how married women wonder if they are "normal."

What is even more interesting is that for some reason women who have intimate relations outside of marriage do talk about it before they get married, but for some reason marriage happens and they stop. Having never been intimate outside of marriage, I did not speak of these things with my friends. So, most of the time, even after being married for 13 years, I am left wondering if I am normal.

Graduation

2010-10-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

After a LONG time, I have been trying to graduate from SUU. It is finally going to happen!!!! I am so excited!!! I am going to graduate with a degree in Nutrition. Not sure where it will get me, but it will be so nice to FINALLY have my diploma!

My new resolve...

2010-10-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

Laying in bed this morning, after I got after two of my kids for being up way too early, I decided that I am going to start walking for 30 minutes in the mornings at least 5 days a week. I need to start exercising, so I can lose some weight. It is starting to make me crazy. I can not afford a workout video, or otherwise I would do that. I know it seems crazy with winter coming, but I have to get it together. I can not keep going on like I am. I need to get moving. I move a lot at work, but not at home. The best time to do this is going to be in the mornings before I get ready to leave the house.

Thoughts

2010-10-14T13:22:00.000-07:00

I have wondered about being a strong person. It is so much easier being strong for someone else, than it is for myself. I am grateful for all the people in my life. I am grateful that life is moving forward, slowly, but it is. I am turning in my graduation papers in tomorrow. I am grateful for the opportunity I have been given to finish up my degree.

Really wishing today that I was a better friend. This seems to be a reoccuring thing in my life. Never saying the right thing at the right time. Oh well, one more thing I am working on. Just like everything else.

Life is moving on...ready or not, here we come...

Friday Night

2010-10-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

I was just reading my magazine and a thought came to me that I had to put down onto "paper." I was just reading about Alzheimer's Disease. They gave 4 tips for prevention, so to speak. One kind of stuck out at me. It is being social. Keeping the mind going. I am not a social person, in fact, even at the age of 32, I feel socially awkward. Like I have no idea where to fit into in a social situation. It has been this way all of my life. I started to think about this keeping the mind busy and how it correlates to preventing Alzheimer's. I read an article several years about a woman who had twin girls. She was about 47. She conceived later in life, because babies came after everything else. But she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She knew she would not live to see most of the important moments in her daughters lives. I am certain her brain was not lacking acitivity with small children, a career, and husband. I am guessing, she was probably social as well. So, if it is friends and social situations that is going to keep me from getting Alzheimer's, then I better figure something out.

Here it is Friday night and I am blogging about medical stuff. Believe it or not, having 5 kids does not make me DUMB. Regardless of what the world wants to believe...maybe that is what keeps me from being social. The idea that people are judging me...

Wednesday Wonderday

2010-10-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

I have had all of my SEP's for my boys now. VERY disappointed with how the one with Zach went, not because he is not a good student, but because they did not go over anything. It was almost the dumbest thing I have experienced. Cameron reads at an 8th grade level in the 4th grade. He scores way above his level in end of level testing. I am so proud of him! Thomas is just happy to be Thomas at school. He does well. We are going to work on getting his reading slips turned in. That is the ONLY place he is lacking. He does the reading, we just struggle with getting the proof turned in. That is my goal for him to make sure he is getting them in. I am proud of ALL my kids!

Life is still going...Dave will be home in 5 weeks!!!! That makes me feel good. The kids are way excited about him coming home. Thanksgiving will be good! Then he will be home for about 3 weeks or so at Christmas. He loves school! We would not have it any other way. Furthering our lives is the plan....

It is not easy to please

2010-09-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

In life, there is no way to please everyone. Even being married for the last 13 year, oddly, not everything I do pleases my husband. A little less planning and control would probably do the trick there. My kids, well that is pretty much self explanatory, other than most of the time I do please them. I do not care what other people say, it is just easier that way. With my mom, if I just do what she wants the first time, it makes her the happiest even at the age of 32. My in laws, well that is a whole other ball game. I use to think that if I did what they wanted that it would make a difference. Tis not the case, so now that I have decided to just be my own person, that is not working for them either.

Here we are the start of another week. The loneliness was less, because we had company come for a visit. I finished my son's quilt and have read my chapters for classes tomorrow. It is the beginning of the long week at work. I do have a meal planned for tomorrow. While Cameron is at football tomorrow evening, I will get some more food as the days will pass by quickly this week and by next weekend, I will be exhausted. I will work Friday this week, so that will forgo my Emma and me time this week. She and I both look forward to tha day of the week. It is catch up day, as well as just time for me and her.

It is the countdown, just 7 more weeks!

Tuesday Twister

2010-09-21T21:32:00.000-07:00

WOW! I had no idea I could be done with the week on Tuesday. But yes, I had this feeling this afternoon. We shall see what tomorrow brings, hopefully a little less stress...NOT! I have an exam to take in my Media Law class. That will be interesting. I do have the 1st Amendment memorized and it gives me the freedom to go the church I choose and write this blog!

I am tired, but continue on with homework...

Saturday Scramble

2010-09-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Life seems to be busiest on Saturday, as I try to get everything done and ready for Sunday/following week. Off I will go to do everything I need to get done. I am glad that my boys will have some place to go today. They are going up the mountain to a cabin for a BBQ with my mom and Mike. Then I can do my shopping for work and spend time with the ladies.

I am hoping not to miss my husband too much this weekend. As it seems to be the story every weekend. I did have some insight to Meghan struggling with Kindergarten. It would seem that I made the wrong decision for our family. Even though it seemed like the logical one. I should have packed us up and moved to Idaho, so we could be a family. I really thought we needed a break from each other, but instead it has hurt our family. I am doing all that I can to figure it out.

Saturday Shuffle

2010-09-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Watched my wonderful son in football action today. He takes to it like a fish to water. I am amazed. When a bigger dude gets in his face, he does not back down. Which does not surprise me, because he is a tuff customer. I am so proud of him. He even came and sat by me, when he had a small break! Not all boys would do that.

I am all prepared for Stake Conference tomorrow. I have pretzels, marshmallows, and mini M&M's for their snack bags. I am hoping that it all comes together. I have shoes bought that needed to be purchased, as feet have grown. I should have gotten tights, but forgot. We will make due with what we have.

I am truly grateful for the people who serve our country everyday and protect the freedoms I enjoy, like going to church and watching my son play football.

Friday Frenzy

2010-09-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

I think I spend all of my time on Friday catching up from the previous four days. Although, I would not have it any other way. I am grateful for my job and that they are still paying me to come there. It is a good place to work. I have worked there for 3 and half years. The longest I have ever worked for any employer. Although, if I had not been young and dumb when I worked at Burger King, I would be managing the place by now or at least at some point in my life.

I am grateful for my five wonderful children that bring me so much happiness. I am looking forward to Cameron playing football tomorrow afternoon. That will be a good way to spend the afternoon! The boys will go with Mike to the SUU football game in the afternoon, their dad is going to the U of I game vs. Boise tomorrow afternoon. That game is being televised on ESPN.

It will be Stake Conference on Sunday. I will take all 5 kids with me. I shall pack books, notebooks, pencil box, and bags of Marshmallows with pretzels. We will see how that turns out. I am looking forward to the earlier hour for church, but not sure how it will turn out with the kids. The last time, the people behind us were SOOOOO rude. But such is life, when you have 5 kids. Not much more can be expected...maybe worse going alone with 5 kids.

Life takes interesting turns. A friend asked me today, if I could go back and do it all again...would I? Of course I would. I know the decision I made, when I made it that got me where I am. I would not change that for the world. I use to waiver on this, but in the last many months I am more sure than ever I made the right choice.

Monday Evening...

2010-09-06T18:33:00.001-07:00

Back to the grind tomorrow. Up early to work, get the kids out of the house, and so forth. The only glitch in my week is that my in laws are coming. Really hoping that with a meal drop off yesterday for my brother in law and his wife for having a baby takes care of me needing to do anything. I DO NOT want to see them or hear what they may have to say about Dave being gone, because frankly, it is NOT their business. It is ours. We shall see what happens. For now, I am tired.

I will study for my classes on Wednesday, so that will be taken care of. I am hopeful that all will be well this week, because I know Heavenly Father hears my prayers. Even if the lonliness and emptiness seem too much to bear. Maybe that is the reason for sleep wanting to come more. I never knew I could miss someone this much. I am grateful for his willingness to further his education. I am fairly certain that if things fall into place next year we will make the move to Idaho. It puts me closer to living in Oregon. That has always been where I wanted to go...

Saturday Afternoon

2010-09-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

I got all of the cleaning I set out to accomplish this morning done. We made it to the Big W store, without any fits. I true miracle. Now I am left to wonder what the rest of the holiday weekend brings. We will head to St. George for a bit today, but beyond that not much. The county fair and rides will be Monday, of course church tomorrow. But none of it replaces the void I feel.

But life goes on...one step at a time towards November...

Thursday Afternoon

2010-09-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

I made it through the first full week of work, while doing everything else on top of that. I made it. I am grateful for that. I am tired. I have so much waiting for me to get done.

Meghan started Kindergarten this week. So far, not much is being said about her days. All the kids are glad to be back at school. I am glad they have some place to go. Cameron is playing football and LOVES it. He is such the player! It fits him to a tee being out there working hard. I am proud of him. No schedule yet...but practice EVERY night of the week.

Zach is getting so tall. He will be taller than me before the school year is over. I am making this prediction now. I am thankful for Dave's hard work at law school. He will be wonderful at it. I just have to hold on until then...

Tuesday Night

2010-08-31T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today I have experienced almost every emotion in the book. I am still bordering on crying, which I did today as well. Things seem low right now, but I hope that with faith they will turn around. It does not help that I am extremely tired. Dealing with everything, while trying to hold it all together can be a challenge. I am hoping to be up for the challenge.

Monday night

2010-08-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday ended up being kind of a rocky day. With Dave and I, which then flowed over into interaction with the kids. Although I am taking a conflict management class and really hoping it helps. I have all of my own issues and it is just compounded by the fact that I can not let things just go. I have to make them worse, make others feel worse, and so forth.

I love my family so much. I love Dave more than I ever thought I could. He is such a wonderful man to leave us and take up school. We are planning toward a move to Idaho next August. They have family housing on campus. I will HOPEFULLY graduate from SUU in May. This would be a huge blessing all by itself.

I pray daily that I will be able to make things better for us, while Dave is away. Cameron LOVES playing football, as I thought he would. Thomas is just happy to go along for the ride with soccer. Not real competitive, but it gives him some much needed exercise. Meghan is starting Kindergarten tomorrow. I hope for so much to come of it. She is already reading, which is amazing.

I am thankful for the people in my life that I can depend on. I am grateful for the people who are willing to listen, when I need it. I am also grateful that Heavenly Father is listening...

Sunday Morning...

2010-08-29T06:52:00.000-07:00

The weather has been nice the last couple of days. Really fall like weather. I love when the weather cools off and a breeze blows. It means the leaves will be changing and we will be getting closer to Thanksgiving. That is when my wonderful husband will be home for a whole week. I am thinking I should count the days. I need to get the airline tickets purchased, so that he can fly home. It is actually cheaper than driving. We will pick him up in SL, because the shuttle does not go all the way to the airport. I can not figure that out. Makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

Really thinking a move to Idaho next year will be in the works. Really depends on where Dave spends the summer doing his internship. Once again, not being able to plan or predict the future...

Wondering how much I should share

2010-08-27T06:10:00.000-07:00

We are almost 2 weeks into school and I miss Dave like crazy. I did not think I would. We will make it though.

Day 6

2010-08-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

So far, things have only been a bit bumpy since the transition to Dave going to Idaho. The kids and I have our moments, but we are making the most of it. School starts tomorrow!!!! I think that will add to our normalcy. We will have more of a schedule and that will be good!

Meghan had her evaluation for Kindergarten. She is reading! I can not believe it. I have not had a child reading when they got to Kindergarten, but that is okay. It will give her some time to work out some of her quirkiness. I mentioned some of my concerns to her teacher and she is not worried in the least. I am glad she is taking it in stride. She is an awesome teacher!!!!

Did I mention the kids are going back to school!!!!!????

Yesterday was the day...

2010-08-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

After months of wondering and praying, yesterday came and went without a lot of fanfare. We have prepared and planned more than most people do for events in their life. However that is what happens when one is married to a control freak. The kids are handling the new situation fair. The absence of their dad is strong. However, the goal in the end will be worth it. Furthering education is so important to life's goals. The general authorities have said to get as much education as you can. This is his chance to do just that, without distraction. I am grateful for this opportunity.

Emma will be going to Head Start after all. I had hedged on it, but when the state denied me child care money, because we are not legally separated. It seemed like the most logical solution. She will be young, but will do well. She is smart and sassy! I am going to take at least one class this semester online at SUU. Hopefully 2, then I will be really close to graduating over next summer! That would be very nice. I am grateful for my job who will pay for this and for my kids for being so strong this last year.

What I know...

2010-08-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about all the things I am thankful for. The most important ones are my husband, my children, my mom, my sister, my job, and all the people in our lives that make it a better place for us. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who hears and answers our prayers. I am thankful for the opportunity that Dave has been given to further his education, even if everyone does not understand the choice we are making. In fact, it is a huge leap of faith we are taking, but we have gone on long enough with things remaining the same. There is no way we can go with Dave collecting unemployment for the next year or so. Well we could, but it would be a waste of time and talents. He has so much to learn and potential to reach. I have decided to start keeping a journal. I am going to buy some of the 20 cent notebooks from the store, while they are on sale for back to school and get going. These will be times to reflect on, as well as remember.

Today

2010-07-19T15:55:00.001-07:00

I had a thought yesterday at church. Dave subbed in the Gospel Principles class. He was talking about the freedom to choose. He said that at some point people are not choosing between right and wrong, but good and better. As we have prayed for what to do and where to go in this life with the hand we have been given this last year. Dave has gone a second time to test for Proctor and Gamble today. I could see it turning into a job offer. So then we are left with choosing between the money now and the long term career choice. Both could bring a career path. We shall see what time brings. For now, we are 4 weeks away from law school.

The other glimpse I had yesterday in church is that of my husband going before a judge. Everything about him said attorney. He has so much potential. What amazes me even more is that his parents DO NOT see it. A few men in the ward do and have offered him guidance. One in particular, he said on Friday, "I wish he was my dad."

We shall see what life brings these next few weeks...

New Book

2010-07-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

I started reading a new book last night and it has me thinking. It has made me wonder if the problem with pornography is as easy to get hooked on, as the book makes it out to be. I know girls with husband's who struggle with this issue EVERYDAY. Most of which will not ask for help, be it through church or otherwise. It is an addiction and with addiction comes the need to ask for help. But only when ready. As I have learned from family members who have battle addiction all of their lives, help is only works, when it is received by the person needing it for themselves and not others.

I have a cousin that is need of help, which he has received at least twice. However it has never been for himself, it has always been for others. When someone makes a change it has to be for themselves and not others. So far he has made it for his parents and his ex-wife/children. He made it for his wife/children before they got divorced earlier this year. His addiction is not pornography, it is drugs. He got addicted to painkillers after more than one back surgery.

I have to say this...we all have our vices. But it is knowing how to control them that is key. Having no control means addiction is present. In the lives of my mom and grandma, it is sugar. Hence the risk of type 2 diabetes in our family, however I work daily on this not being part of my life. In the coming months, as we make the transition to the changes coming to our home, I hope to get on the losing weight band wagon. At one point, I thought 50, however 30 would put me in the healthy category.

4th of July

2010-07-07T16:29:00.001-07:00

We spent lots of time with my sister and her husband. The kids had LOTS of fun and late nights. Hence the actual sleeping in today, after a long weekend. I am grateful that she came to spend the holiday with us. We will not see her again until Christmas. The kids LOVE it when she comes for Christmas.

My son is leaving on his 50 mile hike on Monday. He has all that he needs. I am grateful for that blessing and that Heavenly Father has heard my prayers again. I true testament to the power of prayer. I am praying now for a smooth transition in August. I have started reading a book today. Amazing how it seems as though the author is writing about me. I am grateful for books. Being able to read and feel relaxed. It helps a lot. I found myself reading late last night, as raced through my mind and did not allow me to sleep.

Sleep seems to elude me as of late...wishing for the restful night's sleep my soul needs...

Grateful

2010-07-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

I am grateful for living in a country that allows me to worship as I choose. I am also grateful for a country that allows me to write this blog and express my feelings. We have had a wonderful weekend so far. My sister has come and my mom has been generous with us. The weekend will continue to be a nice one for our kids. For that, I am also grateful.

They opened a man made lake here in town yesterday. The kids had a wonderful time at it. The lake will bring much fun to my family in the near future. It is free and fun!!! As events unfold in the next few days, we will see how it all goes. I am not entirely sure that things are going to go as planned for my boys. However, if they do not, heaven help the people that let them down. They will know of the person I can be, not just the person I choose to be. I will NOT have my children effected by the STUPID decisions of others in our family.

Again, I am grateful for Independence Day!

Dilemma

2010-06-28T08:50:00.000-07:00

So, after the debacle that was my son's 12th birthday and ordination I deleted about 6 of my in laws from my FB page. I am tired of it all and come August it will all come to head with Dave leaving to go to Idaho. They will either accept and be supportive or will completely cut us off. I will not complain about either. They do not do much for my kids as it is, so my kids will not notice it too much, if they cut us off.

This is my dilemma. We had Meghan's birthday over the weekend. The whole day was full of activities for her birthday. I think she had a good day, despite a touch of the stomach flu the night before. My brother in law and his wife came over for the dinner/cake family party. They are going to take the boys with them to East Carbon in a couple of weekends to see their grandparents. They are going for her baby shower and Community Days. Note: NEVER did my mother in law have a baby shower for me. So here it is, do I add them all back to FB or do I continue to just not care? I lean towards the NOT caring, because I am so very tired of ALL the drama that ensues with my in laws. Especially with their attitude about how my brother in law and is wife are having their "first" grandchild. That could be a whole other blog. In a moment of weakness, I may write it, but for now I keep it in.

My other dilemma, I have been entirely OPPOSED to giving a baby gift for said baby coming to the world in a couple of months. IS this WRONG?

Alright, so I continue on the path the Lord as laid before us with the best attitude I can have. I am grateful for my mom and all that she does for my kids. That I can count on a few people in our lives to be supportive and totally understand the road we are about to embark on...

An Honor

2010-06-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

Last week for scouts, the lady I do scouts with took the boys over to the recycling center with a lot of cans. Some of the cans one boy collected, the rest donated by a man that she does home health for. She said that the boys needed to thank him for the cans he donated for an ice cream trip on later day. So we drive over to his house and go in. He has lots of stuff in his house. Most of it old, some of it collectors items. He has a frame full of medals. She asks him to talk about how he earned his Silver Star. He says that he was fighting in the Philippines. He was the commander of 15 men. They ran into a bunch of Japanese fighters. He was so quick with his gun that he was able to save all of his men. To hear him tell this story was like he was just back from the war. Even the look on his face. I was in aw of him and his stories. It was such an honor to be in his presence. I do not think those boys totally understood the impact of his story in their lives. He has outlived all of his family. His wife and son have all gone before him, of course he does not understand why. Although, he is not the only old man I have heard say this before. He reminded me so much of my grandpa. I held back tears as I watched him in his living room, because I imagine that is how my grandpa was before he passed on. I am so grateful for all the men and women who have fought for our freedom. It is truly a blessing to live in this country. To be able to enjoy the freedoms we have.

Good Things to Come

2010-06-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

Parties and Pinatas

2010-06-17T07:05:00.001-07:00

Our Meghan is turning 5 next Saturday. She has never had a birthday party before now. Although she did have a Halloween party, which turned out ok. Would have been better if I had not told Thomas he could have one with her. But when they ask, it is VERY hard to say NO. She has been talking about her party for MONTHS, literally. She has been taking note of the things other kids have done at the 3 parties she has been to in the last several months. For her quirkiness, she is VERY smart. According to the testing, off the charts smart.

So she insisted the other day that she NEEDED a pinata for her birthday. The last time I check the big W store had TONS of them in all shapes, sizes, characters, and colors. So much to my surprise the other day, they had very few. Most weird shaped, but they did have a Disney Princess castle pinata. So, I am thinking, I wonder how much this costs. Of course, there is NO price on it. I take it over to scan and it is $20. I almost fell over. I DO NOT have $20 for a pinata before candy is bought to fill it. So, I talk her out of it.

Then, my mom calls yesterday to tell me she has decided to buy the pinata, so Meghan does not feel like she is of no worth. I think my mom's own childhood issues are carrying over here. I go home from work yesterday to tell Meghan that her grandma is going to buy her a pinata. She tells me, "you mean, grandma has $20." I laughed and said I guess she does.

There you have it one VERY happy little girl at her very first birthday party that she is inviting both boys and girls to, because she LOVES all of her friends from school and church. It will be all princesses and pink, but at the age of 5 boys are a little less "gross, princesses." Most to come later with how the birthday party went!

Decisions

2010-06-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

The decisions on the horizon are not the easiest to make. Do we stay or do we go? My mom was asking me this evening of my decision to stay, while Dave goes off to Idaho. It seems like before she was relieved that we were staying here. Although, I wonder, maybe what I see is more obvious than I think. As I have mentioned the road will be long, but I am sure of the decision to keep the kids here with what they are familiar with. Change can be hard on even a good day.

I am relieved to be done teaching two lessons today. Hopefully next Sunday will bring NO lessons to teach and enjoying the kids singing in sacrament meeting for Father's Day. I did manage to get shirts for 3 of the "fathers." Of course, the little ladies went and told their dad about his. Although, he does not know what it looks like. Scoped out the deals on them at Wal-Mart. I am hoping to get BBQ book that Dave spotted yesterday, but we will see how the money pans out this week. We do have money/gift money tapped for taking the kids to see Toy Story 3. They are stoked to see it, even the older boys. They have spent the weekend watching the first two movies and the Buzz Lightyear cartoon.

The week brings working LOTS of hours at work, which is good for the paycheck. I am grateful for them letting me come each day. I did apply for new job with Early Intervention and I am not sure where I am with that. They had 40 people apply for the position and the lady that runs the program at work was gone all last week, so we shall see. It would mean benefits and only a few more hours a week, than I work normally! Both a plus for the changes ahead of us.

Life moves forward, some days faster than others...

Sunday Sampler

2010-06-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

This morning I am off to teach the Marriage and Family relations class at church. Followed by the Sunbeam class. I think it is more overwhelming to teach sunday school, than it was to teach the Relief Society lesson a few weeks ago. I am more intimidated by adults than I am 3 yr olds. Given that my own daughter is in that class, hoping for other Sunbeams being there today. The last time I taught sunbeams did not go so well, because my daughter was the only one there. There are only 3 sunbeams that come regularly. I tell people that in a year or two there will be no nursery in our ward. This is the first time in my life I have lived in a ward where very few people are having babies, if at all.

I may have the opportunity to have a baby for someone else. We will see how the idea develops. I have a cousin that would like to have another baby, but for to do it is life threatening. She has heart issues that are genetic. Her sister has it too.

Little league is officially over. One son placing 2nd, the other placing 3rd. It is kind of let down to have it be over, because now we are left with once a week Machine Pitch for Thomas. Not as time consuming. My oldest son will be off to Youth Conference in a couple of weeks, as will be celebrate Meghan's 5th birthday. She has been talking about her birthday for months. She will have a friend party and family party all on her birthday. She is coming a long way, but has farther to go...I hope with Kindergarten brings further development.

The Longest Road

2010-06-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

As things fall into place for Dave to leave and follow the plans that have been laid out for us, it seems like the tension and stress just get worse. I am hoping to attribute it to the adversary playing his hand in us following what seems to be the Lord's plan for us. I look to the day, when things are easier. I find myself hoping that when he is gone life will have some normalcy about it. I am certain of the decision for us to stay and him to go. Although, the lingering of what if this is it, is strong there. I worry for my kids that they will not understand, especially the little ones. But I do understand, we need some time apart. I am afraid that if we do not, we will not make it.

The summer is going strong. The heat has hit. Wishing for cooler temps. How I wish it would rain!

Odds and Ends

2010-06-06T06:36:00.001-07:00

Baseball is almost over. I have to say it makes me sad to think about. The final tournament starts tomorrow. They are having a pizza party for all the families on Tuesday. That will be fun, even more to find out who they have chosen as mom and dad of the year. Thomas will continue on with Machine Pitch after this, because he only plays one game a week.

Meghan is turning 5 in a few weeks. We are no more closer to knowing exactly what all her quirks are about. She is definitely missing the preschool program and riding the bus with her friends from school. She is going to Kindergarten, even though the thought is mind boggling to me. I am hoping the teacher I have chosen for her will help her thrive and be the best she can be at Kindergarten.

We move forward with our plans for Dave to go to Law School. It all seems to be falling into place, it is all the rest that I am still left wondering about. I know staying here is right. We are in need of a break from it all. However paying the bills is going to be tight, although I will do it. Making the sacrifice for him is key. Maybe next year, we will decide to move with him. But for now he goes alone. Although the feeling of it all being over, when he goes, still persists. We will see how it plays out over time...

Sunday

2010-05-30T06:11:00.000-07:00

Time is marching right towards August. We just have to make until then. The rest will come together. Faith is what is keeping me going. Did I mention that last Sunday I gave the Relief Society lesson? I did it on the history and purpose of Relief Society. I found some really good information on Wikipedia that I shared, as well as giving some personal experiences. Of course, I cried. It always happens, when I get in front of people. I have no idea how to keep it in. I am sure the lack of sleep and all the stress of many months all came out.

This week starts the first full week of summer vacation. I have been off from work for almost 2 weeks without pay. I get to go back for hours starting Thursday. We are also finishing up the regular season of little league this week. Next week will be the play offs. Both boys will play in the first round and more than likely will advance into the 2nd round. Not sure what that round will bring. Thomas has started machine pitch. He hits almost every time at bat, so far. His coach is quite patient. I am glad he gets to be on the team he is on this year.

Heavenly Father is still hearing my prayers. Still contemplating what the future means for our family. The kids are good to go along with what we have laid out for them. We talk about what the future is bringing to our family, so it will be no surprise to them. We do plan to make the trek to Idaho in August, so the kids can see where dad is going. Faith keeps me going...life moves along one day at a time...

Leap of Faith

2010-05-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Anymore I feel like any decision we make is going to take a leap of faith. After a story being relayed a couple of weeks ago in church, I definitely feel like we are in that boat. Only one thing feels more right than the other. However it all takes A LOT of faith. I was remembering yesterday that I told my mom last year that Dave would be going to law school. Funny thing, he had a job then. As we move closer to August and only one job interview in sight. It seems to be the path for us, but the faith to take it is tremendous. The faith that a job is going to be permanent after the hand that was dealt to us 9 months ago is also tremendous. So here we are at a HUGE crossroads with all that needs to happen is faith. Faith that whatever path we take things are going to work out. Faith we will be stronger and better on the other side.

Pondering

2010-05-21T10:40:00.001-07:00

So, I have been thinking...why do women believe that men NEED them? I am of the opinion this is just not so. I am grateful for my husband. However he functioned in the world just fine before I came along. In some instances, I may have slowed him down. He is off to law school in less than 3 months and will be just fine without me. He will study hard and earn top honors. He will find a stellar job opportunity that would not have been afforded him, otherwise. We will make a big move with our family and start a whole new life outside of this small town. I am looking forward to the change. Meeting new people, being part of something new. We want to show our kids what life is all about. I pray we get to there all in one piece, as family...not apart.

In fact, I think society has told women they are defined by whether or not they are married. Society or religion, it is the same message. Find someone. There is not pressure for men to be married, in fact, they are encouraged to "play the field." But the older they get, the younger the woman they want. The 30-something is still looking for the 20-something and so forth. More and more I see men/women settling, it is everywhere. The desire/need to be with someone, as a woman is strong. For men, I think it is instinct, because otherwise they would go back to the cave and just be. Do not get me wrong, I know those men who might just be better off in the cave.

Wishes for...

2010-05-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

The one thing I wish for the most is a new digital camera. Then I could take pictures of EVERYTHING and post them like all the "normal" people out there do. My kids have done some really fun things lately...and I have NOTHING to show for it, other than my memory. In this respect, I am certain I suck as a mom.

The other thing I truly wish for is something good to happen in our family. Job wise, anyway. School for Dave would be good, but a job would be GREAT. I am struggling with all of my feelings in my heart. My patience is waning for just about anything. I have gotten to where I feel like I just do not care anymore. I have lost any sympathy or empathy for the whole situation. Everything eats at me. I know we are moving in a downward spiral. I just do not know how to stop it. Oh yes, we pray, read scriptures, and even attend the weekly Marriage and Family Relations class being taught at church.

One last wish is to make it through the summer with all the bills paid. My hours at work have been cut and I have been truly looking for other employment to no avail...how I wish something would come...

Expectations...

2010-04-30T07:42:00.001-07:00

As I think about the expectation in our culture to have children, I wonder...should be turn our focus onto being better members rather than worry about whether or not women are having babies. I feel for the women I know who struggle with this. I have NO IDEA what it must be like. I do not pretend to know, but I am willing to listen to their struggles and pray for them daily. I pray for the wonderful spirits to find their homes. They deserve it. I am humbled by these women. I wish I could do more for them. I have been humbled by many experiences these last many months.

I think everyone has expectations about life. When they are not met, we feel disappointed. It us very unfortunate that culture magnifies our disappointment. It is even worse that people do not understand how life goes for us. The decisions we make are careful and thought out. I NEVER take things lightly. I have been told I should, but then it would not be me.

This is for information purposes ONLY. I was reading on another blog about how ALL girls play house. Well, they do not. When Early Intervention started coming to our house to evaluate and help our dear Meghan, one of the very first questions they ask is "Does she play with dolls like a mom?" My answer was no, she had NEVER pretended to do anything. Her dad's response was, she has not seen her mom do it. Of course, they explained that it is an instinct that most girls have.

I want to say this, life goes on and on...I am looking forward to is going to come for us in the future. We just have to get there...

A saying and other ramblings...

2010-04-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

Live Simply, Love Generously, Speak Kindly, Care Deeply, Expect Little, Give Much, Laugh Often, and Trust in the Lord with All Your Heart...

I have this on my wall at home. I should read it daily before I leave the house. I think it might help me remember what this life is all about. I have pondered what the future holds for us. Not sure what to make of it all. I wish I could say for certain that life will be the same, when my husband graduates from UofI. However, I am sure it will not be, just not sure for better or for worse. I definitely hope for the better. I do see us drifting along like to ships in the night looking for a destination. I am hoping the desination will be together and not apart.

I am praying with all of my heart we make it through the summer financially. It is going to be rough. I am not sure what work I will be getting, because it has not been made clear to me. I have been looking steadily for something better to come along. So far, it has not. I keep on hoping that Heavenly Father is listening and hears of our needs. My faith has not waivered in this, but I am not sure what to make of it all.

Baseball is in full swing with Zach being 2-1, so far. Cameron is 2-0. I am proud of them both and the strides they are making to be the best player they can be for their teams. Thomas will start machine pitch in a few weeks. Not sure what that will bring, but we shall see. He wants to play or more of being like his brothers. The girls are getting bigger and sassier with every passing day. I am looking forward to our transition meeting for Meghan and Kindergarten. I am hoping that brings some answers.

I am thankful for the friends I have and the blessings they are to my life.

Song

2010-04-10T21:18:00.000-07:00

This song gives me strength...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR5eE7JddaM

All the other stuff

2010-04-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

Life is going...more answers are being given, as well as more being sought. Dave will be off to Idaho for law school in August. We have decided that he will go alone. I have a job, he can live on campus in an apartment. He will go to school and we will see him for holidays. I think it will do us some good to get some perspective as well. I am sure we will be better as a couple and family, when we it is all said and done.

Getting a job as always been the plan, but it seems to be illusive. So for now, the plan is more school for him.

29 things you may or may not know about me...

2010-03-29T19:36:00.000-07:00

So because my birthday is today on the 29th of March, I decided to post 29 things you may or may not know about me.

1. I love to cook!
2. I love to read!
3. I enjoy going to church!
4. I love doing scouts in my ward!
5. I got married at 19!
6. I love my job, they are like family to me!
7. My close friends are like famiy to me, because I have so little.
8. Next year will be my 15 yr high school reunion...have not been to the two previous, so we will see what happens.
9. I am math and science nerd.
10. I am not a girly girl, but my little girls seem to be. I wonder where they get it?
11. I talk to much in certain settings.
12. I am control freak.
13. I did not graduate from seminary.
14. I only have 1 sister.
15. I can play the top hand on the piano.
16. I can keep a secret.
17. I struggle.
18. I would love to live in OR or WA!
19. I love the rain!
20. I am eternally grateful.
21. I would not trade my life for anything.
22. I am still learning to leave well enough alone.
23. I try to do the best with what I have.
24. I am looking forward to cheering for my boys in Little League.
25. I am 5ft 11 1/2 inches tall.
25. My hair gets lighter in summer!
26. Anyone who reads this, I feel a pleasure to know!
27. Wishes money grew on trees!
28. I love posting on here, because it gives me strength.
29. I can lead music!

The Days Go By...

2010-03-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

So here we are another week has passed, nothing has changed, everything the same. Weird to me, because a month or so ago I kept saying I am ready for change to come. Nothing. Kind of like someone is laughing at me. No acceptance letter for law school yet, just two that say he is on the waiting list. Which is better than nothing...both schools out of state, on opposite sides of the country. We do need to start looking for funding for school. Need to fill out the ever famous FAFSA. Have not done that for him in over 6 years.

So here I am feeling like we are moving backwards not forward, as I approach my birthday tomorrow. I definitely hoped to be in a better place by now. Especially as I think about the way the neighbors are towards us. Hoping that we could live in a better neighborhood. Which I know does not cure anything, but would definitely help. I hope so much for my family, but it seem as though the waiting game continues to go on and on and on.

The boys are starting Little League. Hoping that they win some games and have lots of fun doing it. I am grateful for my kids. Wish Dave and I did not struggle so much. I keep hoping for life to get to a better place. I am hoping Heavenly Father is still hearing my prayers...I am grateful for my faith, getting back to tithing this week.

Am I missing something?

2010-03-21T06:13:00.000-07:00

As we come to the eighth month of unemployment, I am left wondering if we are missing something. It seems as though we are no only ones I know who have not figured out what we are suppose to be doing. I will admit it is getting me down. All the bad thoughts creep in...it is a battle to not let them in.

I had a conversation with a girl at work the other day. She and I have much in common, although very different. She has been seeing counselor. She imparted some advice to me that really applies. The counselor says the most harm you can do a person or relationship is to withdraw. I have been guilty of this on many occasions. I find myself doing this now. It seems to be easier than dealing with it all. I realize it is not fair to my husband, but if I withdraw, then I do not find myself saying things that may hurt. He did ask what is wrong this evening. I am not sure I want to tell him. I do not want to say the words out loud that I wonder what we are doing wrong...maybe he is thinking it too. Maybe I will hurt his feelings. All the things that go left unsaid...

On a lighter note, my wonderful tuba playing son made Varsity band for next year...oh to know what the next few months will bring. He is so excited, but knows that he may not get to participate, because life just may take us away from here. Zach and Cameron have little league tryouts on Tuesday and Wednesday. I need to get their stuff together for it. More money...

I can not believe the school year is going to be ending in two months...time flies in some respects, but in others it seems to slow...

Sunday morning...

2010-03-07T06:18:00.000-08:00

So life is moving on...job opportunities are hopefully going to be knocking on our door very soon. At least people are showing interest in my husband. A drastic change from just a few months ago. Letters from law schools will be coming in about a month as well. Life is going to take us in a different direction. I am ready for it. I am grateful for the people who have cheered us on. I am thankful for being prepared for change.

We took the kids to see the Polynesian dancing last night. They enjoyed watching the dancing from five different countries. The boys have finished basketball. They are signed up for Little League and machine pitch. They are excited for baseball and for a possible move. Except for the oldest, but I have assured him that tuba players will be welcomed with open arms at any school. That he will make new friends and will be able to play sports.

Life goes on...

Video

2010-02-26T07:19:00.000-08:00

I am posting this for my wonderful friend...who never ceases to amaze me with her strength...

I love this song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB7T3lJ3dZ4

Small Steps

2010-02-20T17:44:00.001-08:00

To be better person, I have to understand the things that need to change. So as I reflect on what I have done and where I want to be, I realize I have things that Heavenly Father wants me to say to him. I did this last night. It helped me tremedously.

I work at this daily, being better. As I start the coming week, I want to be positive, helpful, and kind. We have SEP's coming, band concerts, and the end of basketball season with the start of baseball looming. I am still working on being the mm and wife I know is in me.

Everchanging...

2010-02-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

So after some thought, Dave decided not to take the minimum wage job. We decided it would interfer with him getting a good job. We will be fine, moneywise. We are doing ok now. Heavenly Father has heard my prayers and is providing a way for us to pay our bills and our tithing. So once again my prayers are being answered. So the change that is coming will be wonderful and we just have to be ready for it.

I am so thankful for all the love and support that my friends have given me over the last 6 months. Dave is testing with UHP to be a dispatcher on Wednesday. He is going to have an opportunity with Proctor and Gamble soon, as well. So the applications are out for employment, as well as law school. The possibility exists that we will move to where Dave goes to school, if we think that will suit our family.

So there you have it, my being more positive and hopeful about the future...

It has been a while...

2010-02-12T19:48:00.000-08:00

I feel like most days I am just muddling through life one day at a time. More so lately as it feels like the more I try to do the things that I am suppose to the more it feels like things are working against me. We have been working on Law School applications with a total of 12 being put out. Maybe one more to come. Dave took a minimum wage job to work at nights, until something better comes along. It will be about the same as unemployment, but now we will not have to worry about filing for extensions, as his original claim will be coming to an end in the next few weeks. There is some possibility of it being more than the job he has been given, but we will see how that goes. He has applied for a job in Bear River with Proctor and Gamble. A definite career path for him. He has passed the initial screening process and they will be calling to set up a time for is written exam some time soon. He is going to continue to look for other work. I have become very open to the possibility to moving. As long as we get to May, so that our sweet Meghan can finish her preschool program, and we have our transition meeting to set up her IEP for Kindergarten, then we will be good.

My job is fairing well, or at least I think. It is a case of if no one says anything, then I assume it is good. They never say much, unless it is not good. They let me come back each day and for that I am grateful. It has sustained us for quite some time now. We get to see a movie for Valentine's. I am excited for that and grateful for my brother in law for watching my kids, while we go. I truly believe that when it is all said and done this time of our lives will be just a blip on the map of life. We have struggled as a couple and family, but I am hopeful that Heavenly Father is hearing my prayers and the answers we are looking for are just around the bend. I hope we are on the downslope of the long hill we have been climbing for months. I know that we have wonderful things in store for us...we just have to get there.

The fog may be lifting...

2010-01-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

So here it is, another week has gone by...not much has changed. I have reconnected some what with my friend from high school. It is kind of bazaar. She stopped talking to me after I got married. I am not sure why, other than her "chance" with some guy went away completely. This is a whole other story for a different day. However in the last 15 yrs, she has been married, had a baby, and then gotten divorced. Now she is trying to decide what she could have done differently in high school to have changed the outcome of her life up to now. Back to my post from the other day, it seems as though I am not the only one wondering about the road less travelled.

As we get deeper into this unemployment cycle, I wonder about something a lady at work said the other day. She was talking about her son, who has been without work now for 13 months...she has very little patience for him now. Which given what she has done for him and his family, I can understand. But she said, at least your husband has a degree something is going to come along. Does this give one hope? I keep having faith in this, that life is going to ease up soon. I see small things happening that give hope to change down the road. I know Heavenly Father is listening...even when it seems he is not. I am grateful for the people who get it. That tell me how it is and do not sugar coat it.

I have found that if I sleep, then life does not seem so hard...like the light is shining more, and not letting the darkness in. It creeps in more, when sleep eludes me. Then I become weepy and feel all sorry for myself...oh yes, not a pretty sight...

Days go by...

2010-01-19T20:25:00.000-08:00

So I have been thinking about what to say on my blog the last few days. Nothing much has changed. The boys are still playing basketball. Little League sign ups are just around the corner. By this, I mean, the end of February. Just 3 days this year. So I will juggle our money so Zach and Cameron can play this year. Thomas is determined to keep pressing on with Machine pitch. The sign ups through the city are a little more lax. More time to sign up. Meghan and Emma continue to grow in their own ways. I am not into signing little girls up for dance at such a young age. Not sure what the point is in doing it.

I have thought long and hard about life. I am grateful for all that we have, but am wishing more and more that things would start looking up. I know we are not the only ones in the position we are in, but it does not make it any easier. Knowing that I can not control or plan for what happens next brings much stress. The darkness is looming again. I am working on how to push it back out. I want to be better friends with people. I want to be able to see beyond my own stuff.

I pray for the people in my life that are in need of blessings. I pray for better days ahead. I am working on being a better member of my ward. I am so thankful for all the people I can count on for support. So why do I some times wonder about the road less traveled?

A New Year Begins...

2009-12-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

As we leave a year behind in which much has been learned, I find myself looking forward to the year to come. It will be full of change and hope. The hope part I look forward to the most. As we have overcome many obstacles, I hope for much to take its place as the year goes on. My oldest will turn 12 and become a priesthood holder. We will celebrate 13 yrs of being married definitely for better and for worse. Hopefully we can have more of the better this year, than worse.

I hope to lose some weight, if luck is with me, maybe 50 lbs. It will take some work, but I want to do it. I hope to be a little less controlling. Letting my kids just be themselves and my husband express himself a little more. We were having a conversation just today about how I could not just let go even as a small child. When I was about 4, I went ice skating with my mom. I could not let go of the railing and know that I could do it. When I went skiing in the 7th grade, it was the same. I had no problem going to the top of the hill on the lift, but could not trust that I would make it to the bottom ok. The list is long, I know I am a mess. I am not sure how to change it, but I am hoping baby steps will help with this.

I hope to serve others more. I found over the weeks leading up to Christmas that the more I served and helped when possible, the more we received in blessings. I want to continue this through the year, not with the thoughts that we will be blessed, but with the thoughts of other people needing me. I like to feel needed.

I hope to have our financial situation improve this year, even if Dave goes off to Law School. Most of all I want to be the best mom I can be. Have a little more patience and be a little more loving.

Christmas and other thoughts

2009-12-28T17:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas was wonderful for our family. We were the receipient to much service for which I am eternally grateful. I can not express into words the amount of gratitude in my heart for family and neighbors that helped us out. My kids had a wonderful Christmas thanks to them. I prayed and prayed that Christmas would come to our family and it did. I can truly say that Heavenly Father is listening to my prayers and knows what we are in need of. So now I will pray for guidance in knowing which way to go forward. Whether it be that I find a full time job, so that Dave can go to Law School or that he find a good job that will support us.

Dave got his LSAT score today. Interestingly, he did better on his test, with very little preparation, than 2 guys he worked with that spent a year preparing for the LSAT. It provides a way for him to get into Law School. He will put in his applications in the next few weeks and we will see what happens. He is smart and deserves so much.

Last year was rough, I look for 2010 being so much better for us. We had the van looked at. It seems to have been in need of Transmission fluid and a new oil filter. We will know for sure tomorrow.

The littlest turns 3...

2009-12-19T18:14:00.000-08:00

I can not believe that our last baby to be born turned 3 today! She is such a sweet spirit and blesses our lives in many ways. I am grateful that she joined our family. We celebrated with grandma and Mike. They came with presents for all the children, with any luck will hold them over until Christmas Eve, which is 5 short days away.

We are looking forward to Christmas...

Life moves on

2009-12-18T19:53:00.000-08:00

This week has been long. Things get blown out of wack and Christmas is creeping up on me faster than I am prepared for. I have baked, cleaned some, and other odds/ends. However I have yet to wrap a present. We have some. I hope the kids will be happy.

I think this has been the hardest year of our marriage. We struggled some when we first got married, but not as much as this year. Having five kids and unemployment do not go hand in hand by any means. Then having our transmission die on us in our van. I am hoping that with the new year comes better things for us.

We are blessed by the people we have in our lives. I am so thankful for all of our blessings. I pray each night for us and all the other people we know in situations just like ours. We have encountered a hill. We just have to get to the other side of it, by finding the path for us. My faith has been tested much these last few months, but I find myself looking forward to church each week. It gives me strength for the week ahead of me.

I also wanted to share the link for this music video. It is a wonderful depiction of Mary.
http://www.cmt.com/videos/faith-hill/291605/a-baby-changes-everything.jhtml

New News

2009-12-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

They finally posted the new job at work. I have applied for it, so now we shall see what happens. I am hoping they give me serious consideration for it, because I work hard at my job and I am willing to do whatever they would like me to do.

My son had his band concert tonight! He did awesome. I am so proud of him and how well he plays the Tuba. He is hoping to make Varsity band next year. He participated in TUBACHRISTMAS on Saturday and did wonderful, even though it was cold.

Life goes on and Christmas is coming faster than I would like it too.

Links

2009-12-05T12:17:00.001-08:00

I found this link from another blog I read and wanted to share. It is for all the men and women who fight for our country. They make it possible for us to live in this countrty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5leMiif4pM

This other link is what Christmas is all about!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpkI7GW2V34

Enjoy all of you!

My Cup Runeth Over

2009-12-03T21:12:00.000-08:00

For all the things that do not seem to go right these days, I am grateful for so many things. My husband, who puts up with me...it is hard, of this I am sure. My oldest son, who is wiser than most 11 yr olds. My 9 yr old that is smart as a whip and knows it. I think he has some anxiety issues, I am not sure why...I am wondering how to go about exploring these. My 6 yr old, who makes me smile by just smiling at me. My 4 yr old angel that reminds me each day to take a step back and realize my kids are the most important thing. My almost 3 yr old, in about 2 weeks, who is spunky with attitude. Kind of scares me for when she is older.

I have a wonderful place to work. They allow me to be part of a program that helps families less fortunate. This reminds me of all the blessings in my life. I like being part of the team.

I have the church I go to, which reminds me each week to have a little more faith and things will work out in time. For the friends I have there that care about what happens to our family.

For my husband's opportunity to take the LSAT on Saturday to help our family along. He is willing to do whatever it takes to make our family stronger. These dreams just may take us to Georgetown or SMU. We will see what the late Spring brings our way.

For my friends I include as part of our family. There are not a many in my family, so a few extra are always nice. The ones who no matter where life takes us in the coming years will be there to listen, understand, and love us.

I am so very grateful for all that we have.

Feelings

2009-11-29T16:50:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was quiet, but good! I am always so thankful for all of the blessings that we have been given. We tried to do some fun things with the kids to make the time not drag by. Saturday, we decided to trek to St. George for dinner and go to the temple. We saw the lights and the nativity story they do in front of the temple. We headed back for home. We got stuck behind a lot of slow traffic, because there had been an accident. Our transmission decided to give out on us then. So here we are in the mist of all the traffic and not sure what we are going to do. We pulled off to the side of the road and waited a bit to see if the transmission would decide to go. It did not. We called my mom to come and help get kids. We then called a man in our ward who does roadside service repairs and he came and towed our car. We are not sure what our plan should be car wise and it seems as though we are being tested and tested.

I am grateful we made it home safely and the kindness of the man from our ward. However I seem to be having a hard time keeping it together. I am going to try, because I go back to work tomorrow and do not want to not keep it together. We are also having our Relief Society Christmas party and Ward Christmas party this week. I hope we can all have a good week and that answers can be found in a timely fashion...

ABC's of Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

This year will be the same as most years. My mom and her husband, who joined our family almost 3 years ago, will be coming over for dinner. With a littl luck, our indian will be here too! His name is Charles and Dave has known him for some years now. We enjoy our pilgrim and indian Thanksgiving! I am sure there will be some parade and football watching...I got an idea from another blog to do the ABC's of thanksgiving, so that is what I am going to do.

A is for the Apples the kids like to eat.

B is for the boys in my life.

C is for Cameron and the joy/strength in my life.

D is for Dave marrying me 12 and half years ago.

E is for Emmaline our early Christmas present almost 3 years ago.

F is for the Friends in my life I can count on to always be there for me.

G is for my grandma, who passed away almost 10 yrs ago, that brings me so much inspiration.

H is for Head Start, they let me be a part of a program that helps others in need.

I is for the Ice Cream that my kids enjoy eating in the summer.

J is for the Jolliness at Christmas.

K is for all my kids, make sure we do not need an alarm clock.

L is for the love my husband gives me.

M is for Meghan and the inspriration she brings to our family, my mom and her support, and all the MaryAnn's in my life, there are a few and they all inspire me to be better.

N is for all the nice things in my life.

O is for the ovals that we sing about on TV.

P is for Periwinkle the cat, who makes the kids happy.

Q is for the quilts that I can make for people having babies.

R is for the rest I need.

S is for all of my saving graces.

T is for Thomas and his freckles, he is a good big brother.

U is for the Umbrella the kids ALWAYS ask for at the store.

V is for our van that keeps going.

W is for the wishes I hope to come true in the coming year.

X is for the xtra love my family and friends give me.

Y is for the YOYO that is our life.

Z is for Zachery being our oldest son, he has been through a lot with us.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, my friends!

Thoughts

2009-11-23T21:17:00.000-08:00

Thomas had his program tonight at the school. He did wonderful. They did The Three Piggy Opera. He was one of the wolves. He really got into it. He is doing it again tomorrow for the school. I got his clothes washed that he wore to the program, because he ate his FHE treat in them. I am so proud of him! He makes me want to be a better mom. His smile matches his freckles, that match his hair!

We have decided that our gift to everyone this year is going to be family picture. We have not had one taken since the spring after Emma was born. Her dad is holding her in his arms. I am excited to get our family picture taken! I am hoping that the people we send it to with enjoy it as their gift. My mom says that she is going too. I told her of our intentions for hers and Mike's present for Christmas and she is excited. Now all of you are probably wondering how we are going to afford this and the answer is simple, the Protrait Studio at Wal-Mart. I am hoping to score on some good deals there.

Cameron and Zach have started basketball practice. Zach seems to be pleased with his team and coaches. One of the coaches is the OT that works with Meghan at the preschool. Cameron's first practice is tomorrow, however he is on the team of one of his good friends! He very excited about this. Thomas is still doing clinics and they start about the second week of December! He is excited to see his friends there.

In other thoughts, I am not sure how we are making it. It seems as though, we are struggling more and more these days. I am not sure if it is the stress of everything, my lack of control getting in my way, or what. However life seems to be less fun and I am not sure how to change it. I would like to think that this Thanksgiving holiday will be fun, but if we can not get ourselves together I am not sure it will be.

Post 57

2009-11-17T14:42:00.000-08:00

I found out today at work that the newjob, in which I am hoping they will give to me is going to be coming open at the beginning of next week. I have seen the job description and near as I can tell there is no reason why they will not give it too me. It means salary and benefits, plus not worrying about what we are going to do for money over the summer and when my husband heads off to law school.

In other news, Dave has another job interview on Thursday. We are very hopeful for this job. It would make things easier on the pocketbook, especially if I get the new job at work. I am hopeful that things are going to turn around for us in the near future. I know my prayers are being heard!

Losing Control

2009-11-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

As I have written about before, I have control issues. I have been working on these, especially when it comes to letting my kids help me in the kitchen. As well as letting them decorate cookies and other various activites that I have struggled with letting them do over the course of their lives. I know I am not doing them any favors by trying to control EVERYTHING. They deserve to learn as they go. I am working on it.

This week, they decorated cupcakes to look like Turkeys! They did an excellent job. All the kids participated in it. I have let them help me make cookies and dinner, as of recently. Cameron especially likes to help in the kitchen. He made his own ramen after his teeth were worked on this past week. Which brings me to another "BIG" event in which I had no control over what was happening. Cameron went to the surgical center to have some cavities filled and sealants put on. His dad took him up there, because I had to work. This took a lot for me not to try and control EVERYTHING, even though I was at work. I had to have faith that Cameron and his dad would be ok without me. They were! The girl's went to the neighbor's house. It all turned out ok.

This is a daily battle for me. I am not sure people know how hard it is for me.

Being Protective

2009-11-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

One thing I fear the most is not being able to protect my children from outside influences. If I could control that I would. I am sure we are teaching our children what is appropriate and what is not, but it seems as though even people perseved as "good" are not doing the same. It shocks me what people let their kids get away with. It does not surprise me as much, when the answers are obvious that the kids are just following their parents. But otherwise it is not so obvious to me.

My oldest son is going to be receiving the priesthood in May. He seems to take this very seriously. He will make a wonderful addition to the YM program in our ward. I am sure he will find happiness in the activites the YM plan. He will also enjoy being able to have combined activities with the girls from this primary class that will be advancing to YW. He recognizes the importance of treating these girls with respect. They seem to be very grounded girls, at least at church. Unlike the girl that follows Zach at school, however she has been following him since about 2nd grade. I am proud of him. I look forward to the day he chooses a mission for church and goes out there to be the best missionary he can be!

Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T05:17:00.000-08:00

It seems as though interviewing and getting jobs around here is harder than one would have thought. However another interview is coming next week. At least it is something. Times are hard for people looking for work. Three and half months into this unemployment thing and people are still giving me looks, when I tell them that my husband has Bachelor's degree. Yes my friends, people with degrees are without work. This is the way people treat you with disbelief. But the media portrays life this way. That if you are educated, then you would not be without a job. There are no guarantees in life. Unfortunately for me, because I want a plan for EVERYTHING.

I have very few words to describe how I feel.

Thoughts

2009-11-11T10:16:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for my husband and his service in the United States Air Force. He went to Bosnia and served bravely. He saw more than I could ever fathom. I am thankful for all the other people in my life who have served our country. I am grateful to live in a place that allows me the freedoms I enjoy each day.

As we weather the storm at our house, I have thought about how strong I thought I was. I have realized that I am stronger now, than I ever thought I could be. I will make if I allow myself to rely on the Lord. So far he has heard and answered our prayers. The waiting game continues for a job to come along, but when the one my husband is suppose to get does, he will. The lord has not let us down. I do not believe that he ever will.

Cameron had some fillings done on his teeth and sealant put on. After a failed attempt at oral sedation, we went with general ansthesia. His dad took him up to the Surgical center. He was a trooper. By evening, he was feeling much better and by this morning, he was back to himself and off to school he went. We got his test scores back from his end of level testing this week. He scored near perfect on it. It makes he wish he would let me look into him skipping a grade. However he does not want too. I am sure he is afraid of what people will think of him. He is comfortable where he is at.

I am also very thankful for my friends and family for their unwavering support!

Life

2009-11-09T17:24:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about what to write. I try to do this at least once a week. I find that if I can, I can make it through the week. Cameron is having some dental work done tomorrow. He would not take the oral sedation, so they are putting him under general anesthesia for the procedure. His dad is taking him to his appointment. The ladies are going to be watched by a neighbor, while they are gone. I will be working, so I am hoping all goes well and will wait for the call that they are home.

I felt kind of down today for some reason. I am sure it is the impatience of not knowing what the future holds. I am hoping the new job at work comes open soon, so I can put in for it. Then our future is pretty well defined. If they do not open it up for whatever reason or do not give it to me, then we are going to have to look at other options. I HOPE for the full time job with benefits, because I want to go see a real doctor and get myself checked out. I want to get on some kind of even road, so the ups and downs are a little less infrequent.

We did go looking for a new Christmas tree today. They actually have one that is inexpensive at Wal-Mart. I am looking forward to getting it. We have a spot all picked out in the living room for it. It is in a different place than we have had it before, but it will work. We have been looking at what we can get the kids for Christmas. I am kind of thinking we should wait and see what Sub 4 Santa brings in a few weeks, because I do not want to duplicate anything.

I am thankful for so many things in my life. They are numerous. I definitely know the Lord is hearing and answering my prayers. I just have to have more patience and all will come to us in time.

Halloween Adventures

2009-10-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Meghan and Thomas invited kids from primary and school over for a Halloween party. It turned out well. The kids made homemade oreos, played pin the nose on the Jack O Latern, and ran around in the yard. This was thanks to it actually turning out nice yesterday.

We took the kids out trick or treating this evening. A lot of people do not do this anymore, but we have lived in this neighborhood so long that we will take them, as long as we are living here. This was a landmark occasion, it was the first time in 11 years that we have not taken a stroller out with us. This will be the case from now on.

Cameron had a Halloween party with scouts. Thomas and Cameron had one at school. Meghan missed hers at school, because it has taken all week for her to be better from being sick. Zach's teacher made them treats and they celebrated at school, as well.

The Wall

2009-10-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Over the summer we got into walking and I started to see a difference in the way I looked. But then my husband lost his job and I hit a wall, gaining back anything I may have lost. My goal is to get going again. I want to be thinner. I always say I wish I could go back to high school when I thought I was "fat." Which would also be pre any kids. My breasts are bigger than the average gal, to say the least. This has always been the case. Short of a reduction surgery, there is no cure for that. However, if I can get back on the reducing my size wagon, I will be good.

My husband had a job interview yesterday. He said they interview at least 50 people. However it was not what he thought the job was going to be and when they asked him about his actual experience, he had not had much. But it did give him a chance to attend the temple. He enjoyed that. He came away with the impression that going to Law School is the definite path we need to be on. He is registered for the LSAT for December 5th. We did not have to pay the fee, because we got a waiver! Of this I am grateful. By the end of January, he will be applying to schools. Preferrably being accepted to either BYU or UNLV. We have people in these areas he can stay with, so we will not have to move. I can stay at my job, so we have income coming in and he can get his unemployment until he enrolls in school.

On another note, I have been very worried about Christmas for my kids. Until recently, when I had this feeling of peace about it. That we would make it work, no matter what. Then my mom called me this afternoon and told me that her wonderful cousin who lives up north and 4 of her friends were looking for a family to do Sub 4 Santa for. She said they wanted to do it for our kids. I am so grateful. Of all the families out there they could have chosen, they chose us. My mom's cousin is a kindred spirit. She always has been. This is a HUGE burden that has been lifted for mine and my husband's shoulders. Now we know that we can do what we can, and the Lord has blessed us with the rest. Of this, I am so grateful. Our prayers are being answered.

While we work toward our goals, we will become stronger as a family. Stronger than we have ever been. My family is my world. All that I have been given. As well as my choice friends, who listen and understand. Kindred spirits are those that love us unconditionally and accept us for who we are. I am thankful for those that bless my life. I also have to wish my mom a Happy Birthday!!! She is such an example of strength to me. If it was not for her, I have not idea what kind of person I would be.

Change is coming, like it or not...

2009-10-23T05:29:00.001-07:00

Change, something I fight till the end. As my husband has looked for a job, due to his unemployment. I have thought about how willing I am to change. It is hard for me. We have so little family. All the kids really know is my mom, and now her husband Mike. They know my in laws some, but they have made that very difficult. So I struggle with uprooting our family, even though in the back of my mind I know that things will be ok if or when we do. My mom has been so supportive about everything. Although I know she does not want us to go. My kids will miss her so much. She has been there since the day each of them was born. Our family may be small, but there are several people in our ward that we consider family. It is hard, because it almost seems like everything is at a fork in the road. There is so much to look forward to, but getting there is the struggle.

I know we are at a stand still in our lives. Although the comforts of my job and the place where we live are strong, there is something better out there for us. We just have to find it. When we find it, I hope my willingness to change is strong. I am also sure it comes back to my control issues. I have little or no control over what is happening at this particular moment and it scares me. My fears stand in my way a lot and I overthink EVERYTHING. I have always done this. It is not a new thing for me. I just do not know how to change it. It is a HUGE dilemma for me.

On a lighter note, my son had a band concert last night! He did awesome. I am so proud of the person he is becoming. He works hard at school and he strives to be the best person he can be. He is striving to be in the Honor Society! I am so proud of him.

Life Lessons...

2009-10-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about the way I parent my kids, vs the way I did when I was younger. For instance, potty training. I had it in my mind that my oldest son needed to be potty trained soon after our 2nd son came. I also did this with our 2nd son, after the 3rd son came. I really pressed it with both of them. In hind sight and with the the last son and our daughters, I have not done this. In fact, I look at my youngest daughter, who is Zach's age when I started potty training him and can not figure out what I was thinking.

I have also been thinking about my kids having structure, LOTS, in their lives. I have many control issues that I work on, on a daily basis. They have a line that I require they tow. Some say I need to, having five kids, which to a point I do. However it is the control thing, as well. I know of two girls my age, who are single moms, and their kids have what seems like NO structure. They act like it. I can not figure out why this is. The one girl has decided her kids are not her problem, the other about the same. They are too busy trying to act like they are in high school.

I work on so many other things everyday, just to be the best mom I can. I would not give up having had my kids when I did. I agree with one friend, when she made the observation that her son she had when she was 20 has grown up with her. I too, had my son at 20. I sometimes I look back and wonder what was I thinking. The only thought that goes through my mind is that I did the best I could with what I had. Now I can hope that as my kids get older and I have learned from the mistakes I made, that I can be a better mom for it.

Life goes on. Life gets hard, then it gets easy and the cycle continues. I hope that I am helping my kids make the right choices. I try to let them just be kids, which sometimes is hard for me. I want to control it all. So far they are smart, kind, helpful, and most of the time are wonderful spirits.

Birthdays and More

2009-10-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

Cameron turned 9 on this past Tuesday. He came to our family after a long pregnancy. I had toxemia with him. But we are glad he joined our family. This picture was taken last Sunday after church. The kids had their primary program and did so well. I was so proud of them. Meghan did really well giving her part and although the ants in her pants got the best of her at times, she was very cute on the stand. We had Cameron's family party in the evening. He receive multiply gifts from Grandma and Mike. Uncle Royal and Desiree joined us for the fun of food and cake, celebrating Cameron's 9th birthday. On Tuesday, by request we got a Spiderman cake for Cameron's friend party. We went to the park, where the wind blew like crazy, but played and had LOTS of fun. He received Monsters vs Aliens from mom and dad for his birthday. He declared that it was what he wanted!!! Always a good thing to hear when giving a presents.

In other news, Dave is still looking for a job. He is not giving up! I am proud of him and I think other than the money factor, he likes spending his mornings with the ladies! Time is marching on, like always. I can not believe it is almost Halloween. Three of the five kids have their costumes ready to go. Thomas is going to be Obi Wan Kanobi, Meghan and Emma are going to be Tinkerbell!

I also had SEP's this week. All the boys are doing well in school. Zachery finally has a teacher that loves him. Cameron tests as high as his brother in 6th grade. His teacher does everything special for him in class. Thomas already knows everything for 1st grade. I have not met with Meghan's teacher, but that should happen soon. Emma just keeps getting bigger.

Moments of Wonder

2009-09-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

I have been keep it together better this week, than the previous weeks since my husband lost his job. A job prospect has actually come about. He has an interview with Iron County Youth Corrections on Monday. With the dozens of applications that have been sent out, only 2 job prospects have come about. The first one came several weeks ago, but upon further investigation, it would not meet our needs. I pray daily that if it is the Lord's will, he will get this job. It will make things easier for us. The holidays are coming and I want them to be wonderful for my kids, as it seems too many time lately I have had to tell them we do not have the money for something. If he gets this new job, he is still going to be able to watch the girls in the mornings, while I work. It is a graveyard position, which he did for 9.5 ys. The girls love being here with him in the mornings. He is becoming the dad, I knew he could be, but did not have the chance with the boys. Between working at nights and going to school, he missed a lot and knows it. But the girls are his chance.

Zach loves going to the 6th grade at the middle school. He finally not the tallest person in school. He still has one girl that craves his attention. She seems to be doing anything to get his attention. I feel lucky that while he notices girls, he is not into them yet. He seems happy enough to think the girls in his primary class are cute. They would be, because he has been the ONLY boy in his primary class for almost 4 yrs now. However all the girls in his class go to a different middle school than him, because of the way our boundary lines are drawn for our ward. He loves going to band and hanging out with his friends at lunch and breaks. He got to go to the reward party for kids who have good grades and citizenship, which makes me so proud.

Cameron is going to be 9 in just over a week. He has his party all planned out and who he is inviting. There is a little girl he has invited to his party every year since school started. She is in his class every year. He tells me that he would like to marry her some day. I would not blame him he is very cute with her red hair! I offered to let him skip a grade, but he does not want too. He is so smart and knows most everything now, but does not want to move up. He likes being the one who takes care of Thomas at school. He started doing this last year. Thomas's teacher told me that when she would come in to school in the mornings, they would be sitting together on the rug reading. This makes my heart so full to envision this scene.

Thomas just enjoys life. He loves going to school. He loves being everyone's friend. Case in point, I have friend with a daughter who is struggling some with her friends. Thomas volunteered to be her friend, if they lived in Cedar. He said she could be in his class, sit by him at lunch, play with him at recess, come to his birthday parties, and other fun things. He is such a wonderful big brother to his little sisters. He makes me so proud everyday.

Meghan is progressing at preschool. It still frightens me that Kindergarten is next year. She loves riding the bus. She should have been tested by now to see if we can get some more conclusive results, as to what it holding her back. I am just waiting to hear from her teacher. I may need to call, because they get really busy over there. She loves going to Sunbeams. She has loved being here with her dad in the mornings before school. He gives her lunch and puts her on the bus.

Emma is a joy. She is her daddy's girl. She loves being here with him in the mornings as well. She is getting bigger and talking good. She gets herself ready to go places. We would not trade her in for anything!

I appreciate the friends I have who encourage me to be strong, even if it is hard for me to do. I am a strong person, but I do not like the feeling of doing it alone. I think what has made this week better is that we are finally communicating about what we want to do with the road that is in front of us. Graduate school is definitely an option. Working at night would definitely fascilitate that. We will see what happens...the road is long, but with any luck the mountain we have been climbing lately is going to smooth out.

Not sure what to think...

2009-09-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

So at this point most days I think I am in survival mode. Not sure if I am coming or going. I do know that my emotions are more on the surface these days. I tear up at the most simple things. I have not done this, since I was pregnant. NO, I am not. I have enough kids. The job hunt continues. Many jobs have been applied for. We found a company that sends people on year long missions doing security ops. Dave did this in the military, so it is right up his alley. With the money they offer, we could stand to not see him for a year. Except for a week of vacation after he had been gone about 6 months. We would have enough money when he is done to have a HUGE down payment for a house. He has a lead with the US Capitol Police Department as well. They have contacted him about employment, he just has to jump through their hoops first and make it before he turns 37. Government employment in any kind of Police work or department requires you start work before you turn 37. It is the reason why he can not join the FBI. Their application process is a year and he would be almost 38 by then.

It amazes me the number of people who think he is just sitting at home collecting unemployment, which by the way does not start until Tuesday. This is because of rules and such. They also think we are unwilling to move. I will move wherever we are suppose to go. I have started working my normal hours, so this will help as well. I just have to not let things get to me. It is hard. Life is not easy right now.

Four of the five kids are back at school. Zach declared that his first day of middle school to be the best first day of school he has ever had. Cameron is liking 3rd grade so far. I offered him to skip a grade, after consulting with the principal and he told me no. I think he wants to stay with the kids he knows. Thomas loves going to 1st grade. I think he is a little worn out from all day school, but is getting use to it. Meghan has started back to preschool. She is going to be tested in the next few weeks to see if we can identify what is going on with her, definitively. Emma is sad everyday, when her Meghan gets on the bus for school. But she gets to be with her dad, for now, so that helps.

Thank you to all for your words of support. It means the world to me to know that people out there care....

Clear it up

2009-08-22T10:17:00.001-07:00

I should have been more clear before. We are applying for all kinds of jobs, not just teaching. We are open to anything, if you find something let us know!