The 4th of July Holiday...

I want to start by thanking all of people who risk their lives for our freedom. I would also like to thank the soldiers that have fought in past wars. I am grateful for a place where I can practice the religion of my choice and be a mom to my children.

My mom's brother that we have not seen in 20 years came for a visit with his fiance yesterday. Dave BBQ'd for us. The food was yummy and the company was nice. We started the day out by going to breakfast at the church. It was tasty! We then went to the parade that was better than when we went 2 years ago. Zach is excited, because he will get to be in the parade next year, as part of the band. Yes, the middle school band is in the parade. Dave took the boys to a youth group's production of King Lear (it was free!). He said they were doing a pretty good job, but that at least one of the boys decided it was time to go home. After dinner and visiting, we went to see the fireworks the city provided. I am a firm believer in NOT burning money. It was a good day, however very late and the kids went right to sleep.

On another note, Meghan has started wondering again. Just recently I was thinking, I am so glad we are past that with her. For some reason she has started again. This time it took her up under the freeway overpass. I am not thrilled about this, but not sure what to do about it. One of the many reasons I am fearing Kindergarten. They could just lose her.

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!

Happy Birthday, Meghan!

It was 4 year ago today that Meghan made her entrance into the world. It was eventful. She was born blue. She was not getting oxygen, as the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck quite tightly. The respitory therapists then tried really hard to get her to breathe. Not only was she blue, she had also swallowed some fluid. It was scary. To this day, I get choked up thinking about how she looked for so long after she was born. Even the RT's were not confident in their efforts. They kept telling me not to worry. She then spent a good 12 hours on oxygen. I will never forget how she looked hook up to all the equipment. Her dad got to hold her briefly before the wisked her away to be tested and x-rayed. It was a while before they told me her lungs were clear, but could not explain why she was not breathing the way she was suppose too.

She is a ray of sunshine in our lives. She struggles, but we work on that daily. She is such a cute girl. We love her dearly. Although I worry constantly about her, I hope that the day will come when it all comes together for her. Even if she does not, we wil love her just the same. She is a miracle and blessing in our lives.

We will spend today celebrating her birthday with friends and family. Friends at the park with pink cake. Family at our house for dinner, Barbie cake, and presents. We are grateful for what she teaches us and the brothers that treat her so kindly. Her sister loves her Meghan. She is looking out for her most of the time. She loves animals, especially baby ones. She takes delight in the simple things.

So I have been thinking...

Yesterday was Father's Day. I tried to make it the best day possible for my Husband/Father of my 5 wonderful children. I made a yummy breakfast, the kids made him a t-shirt with handprints, got him some jelly bellys (his favorite), tried really hard not to raise my voice at the kids, and even bought marinated steaks for him to BBQ (not something I do). Although it would seem that holidays in general do not seem to make him happy. After being married for almost 12 years, I have yet to figure this out. I am thinking though that maybe holidays were just not happy times when he was growing up. He does not talk about it much. Not having a father of my own, does not give me anything to compare it too. I did not think I had any expectations, but maybe I do.

I read somewhere recently that most marriages do not last more than 15 years. Which has me wondering, is it really possible to be married and be in love for eternity. Given that I have had zero example of this and my husband's parents are not a good example of this, by any means. It seems like we struggle so much, with so many different things. We do the best that we can, but is it really enough? Will we make it another 3 years? I am just not so sure anymore what is in store for us. My sister does not go to church nor did she go to the temple, when she got married. She does not seem to struggle as much as we do. I know you are not suppose to compare lives. But I look around and wonder, what are we doing wrong? Maybe I try to do too many things by myself and do not include him.

Preschool starts up today!!!! Yay! Meghan needs it. She needs the schedule and the support offered by her teachers. Although she may be disappointed when she gets there, because it will not be her teacher she knows. She is already disappointed that she is not going this morning to school. She is turning 4 on Friday!

Thomas lost a tooth this morning, while he was eating. It was quite a trip for him, because he thought I put something in his food. He is excited. It is actually the first tooth to fall out for him. The dentist took the first two out, because the teeth were growing in behind them. He was brave that day and did not even cry!

Life Goes On...

Little League is OVER...for better or for worse. We lost ALL of the games, even the tournament game. I was a little hopeful of winning at least one game, but those hopes were dashed. Zach kept at it and never gave up. For that I am a proud mom. For the mom's out there that think signing their kids up for things, because they want them to play and not because they actually want to play, DO NOT DO IT. He is now deep into Summer band, which is nice. He is happy everyday he comes home from it. We still have Machine pitch and T-ball left to play.

I went ahead and deleted a "friend" from FB. Then now she friend requests me, I decided to just add her and not let her bother me anymore. I am going to try and be the bigger person. I am thankful for the people I know are my friends! The true ones that do not judge and always are willing to listen.

I am also glad for the one person out there that I have found that can truly relate to our situation with Meghan. There is not a lot of "support" here for mom's. I actually found myself relating to a lady who is adopting an 11 yr old boy with Autism in the park a few Saturdays ago. If I knew where to look, I would find some support. While Meghan is not Autistic, she exhibits some of the attributes. They will not actually tell us what it is that delays her, because I do not think they know. We hope for so much for her and are thankful that her brothers are understanding of her.

Thank you all reading my blog and "following" it!

Things going through my head

I never thought I would appreciate the school district as much as I do now. First, the wonderful preschool program. Meghan loves going there and yesterday I realized just how much she needs it. She has started regressing some with her actions. She is having more "meltdowns" and has become more aggressive than before. I can not wait for the extended session to start on the 22nd of June. It is only 2 days a week and we will be dropping her off and picking her up, but it will be worth to be on some kind of schedule for that. It lasts until the 22nd of July. Then there will only be about a month until school starts. Maybe we can make it to then. She will go in the afternoons, starting in August. I am also grateful for the Summer band program. Zach gets to have the experience of band, learn some basics about the Tuba, and gives him some place to go for an hour each day for a month.

So then I wonder will I ever be a good wife. It seems as though I make my husband crazy all the time. Probably because he makes me crazy. I am not sure if it is worth to point out the things he does, because will he really ever change?

I have a friend with a daughter that is a really good example of someone out there in the system, who needs someone to reach out to her and help her. She is not beyond repair, but the state is just floating her around from program to program until she turns 18. This has me thinking about people looking to adopt. I know a few. How come it is people only want babies? There are "older" children out there who need just as much, if not more, than a baby. If our home was bigger, I would investigate placement of at least one of these children in my home. Someday we will live in a bigger house and we will foster children who need extra help. I am looking forward to this day...

Weekend Update

We went to the Memorial park they have built here to see what it was all about. They have a Memorial for WWI, WWII, Korean War, Vietnam war, and the Iraq/Afganistan war. My grandma's name is on the WWII memorial. We recognized many people on the Iraq/Afganistan war memorial. It was very sombering to think of the soldiers that gave all for us to live in such a wonderful country. It is crazy to think that this country has only been a country for less than 300 years. We then headed home to get ready for our BBQ that we had invited grandma, Mike, Uncle Royal, and Desiree too. Even though it rained, the food was yummy and the company nice. The boys played with the neighbors for a while, then came in and got ready for bed. Over all a good holiday. Now the week continues...just the normal stuff, but the kids are out of school now. Which means more food consumption at home and more mom, mom, mom, mom...hopefully the days will be good and nice memories will be made!

Memorial Day

I have been contemplating Memorial Day. We took a wreath out to my grandma's grave today. All the kids rushed over to her headstone, cleaned it off, and just sat there gather around it. As I walked over I though to myself, how sad I feel that my grandma is missing out on their growing up. But then I also thought she was looking down and smiling at how wonderful they are becoming. Between Dave and I we do not have any grandparents left. They have all passed on since we have been married, starting with his grandpa in 1999, then my grandma and grandpa in 2000, and his grandma in 2003. I only had one set of grandparents. However I did have a Great Uncle that was like a grandpa to me, but he died when I was 5 after a long battle with Cancer. Dave's other set died before we had ever met. I see so much of my grandma in Meghan. Sometimes it catches me off guard, when I realize how much she looks like her. Especially her reflection in the mirror. My grandma served in the Navy during WWII, they have recently put a monument for Iron Co. WWII Veterans up and I am excited to go see her name. They had her on a list for it last summer. I am so thankful for my ancestors that came before me that paved the way for me to live in this wonderful country. I feel so blessed. It is a wonderful time to be alive. As we look to what the future holds, the sky is the limit. With 5 children there is always something to keeo us on our toes. As Zach starts Middle school, I pray everyday he will be successful and make some good friends to take with him to High school. Cameron is definitely head strong and I hope he puts it to good use. Thomas is easy going, most of the time. He is such a good big brother to his little sisters. He is going to 1st grade, reading, YES! Cameron would have if his teacher had emphasized it. Meghan is turning 4 in about a month. She is such a sweet spirit. We continue a quest to get her to where she needs to be for her age, it may never happen. But I know the lord provides a way for all things, if I just have faith. Emma continues to be a crazy girl. I am not sure if it what girls are suppose to be and we missed it with Meghan or if she is the way she is, because she is Emma! I can only hope my grandma is proud of me and that my grandpa knows that I love him. My heart is so full today.