Losing Control

As I have written about before, I have control issues. I have been working on these, especially when it comes to letting my kids help me in the kitchen. As well as letting them decorate cookies and other various activites that I have struggled with letting them do over the course of their lives. I know I am not doing them any favors by trying to control EVERYTHING. They deserve to learn as they go. I am working on it.

This week, they decorated cupcakes to look like Turkeys! They did an excellent job. All the kids participated in it. I have let them help me make cookies and dinner, as of recently. Cameron especially likes to help in the kitchen. He made his own ramen after his teeth were worked on this past week. Which brings me to another "BIG" event in which I had no control over what was happening. Cameron went to the surgical center to have some cavities filled and sealants put on. His dad took him up there, because I had to work. This took a lot for me not to try and control EVERYTHING, even though I was at work. I had to have faith that Cameron and his dad would be ok without me. They were! The girl's went to the neighbor's house. It all turned out ok.

This is a daily battle for me. I am not sure people know how hard it is for me.

Being Protective

One thing I fear the most is not being able to protect my children from outside influences. If I could control that I would. I am sure we are teaching our children what is appropriate and what is not, but it seems as though even people perseved as "good" are not doing the same. It shocks me what people let their kids get away with. It does not surprise me as much, when the answers are obvious that the kids are just following their parents. But otherwise it is not so obvious to me.

My oldest son is going to be receiving the priesthood in May. He seems to take this very seriously. He will make a wonderful addition to the YM program in our ward. I am sure he will find happiness in the activites the YM plan. He will also enjoy being able to have combined activities with the girls from this primary class that will be advancing to YW. He recognizes the importance of treating these girls with respect. They seem to be very grounded girls, at least at church. Unlike the girl that follows Zach at school, however she has been following him since about 2nd grade. I am proud of him. I look forward to the day he chooses a mission for church and goes out there to be the best missionary he can be!

Friday the 13th

It seems as though interviewing and getting jobs around here is harder than one would have thought. However another interview is coming next week. At least it is something. Times are hard for people looking for work. Three and half months into this unemployment thing and people are still giving me looks, when I tell them that my husband has Bachelor's degree. Yes my friends, people with degrees are without work. This is the way people treat you with disbelief. But the media portrays life this way. That if you are educated, then you would not be without a job. There are no guarantees in life. Unfortunately for me, because I want a plan for EVERYTHING.

I have very few words to describe how I feel.

Thoughts

I am so thankful for my husband and his service in the United States Air Force. He went to Bosnia and served bravely. He saw more than I could ever fathom. I am thankful for all the other people in my life who have served our country. I am grateful to live in a place that allows me the freedoms I enjoy each day.

As we weather the storm at our house, I have thought about how strong I thought I was. I have realized that I am stronger now, than I ever thought I could be. I will make if I allow myself to rely on the Lord. So far he has heard and answered our prayers. The waiting game continues for a job to come along, but when the one my husband is suppose to get does, he will. The lord has not let us down. I do not believe that he ever will.

Cameron had some fillings done on his teeth and sealant put on. After a failed attempt at oral sedation, we went with general ansthesia. His dad took him up to the Surgical center. He was a trooper. By evening, he was feeling much better and by this morning, he was back to himself and off to school he went. We got his test scores back from his end of level testing this week. He scored near perfect on it. It makes he wish he would let me look into him skipping a grade. However he does not want too. I am sure he is afraid of what people will think of him. He is comfortable where he is at.

I am also very thankful for my friends and family for their unwavering support!

Life

I have been thinking about what to write. I try to do this at least once a week. I find that if I can, I can make it through the week. Cameron is having some dental work done tomorrow. He would not take the oral sedation, so they are putting him under general anesthesia for the procedure. His dad is taking him to his appointment. The ladies are going to be watched by a neighbor, while they are gone. I will be working, so I am hoping all goes well and will wait for the call that they are home.

I felt kind of down today for some reason. I am sure it is the impatience of not knowing what the future holds. I am hoping the new job at work comes open soon, so I can put in for it. Then our future is pretty well defined. If they do not open it up for whatever reason or do not give it to me, then we are going to have to look at other options. I HOPE for the full time job with benefits, because I want to go see a real doctor and get myself checked out. I want to get on some kind of even road, so the ups and downs are a little less infrequent.

We did go looking for a new Christmas tree today. They actually have one that is inexpensive at Wal-Mart. I am looking forward to getting it. We have a spot all picked out in the living room for it. It is in a different place than we have had it before, but it will work. We have been looking at what we can get the kids for Christmas. I am kind of thinking we should wait and see what Sub 4 Santa brings in a few weeks, because I do not want to duplicate anything.

I am thankful for so many things in my life. They are numerous. I definitely know the Lord is hearing and answering my prayers. I just have to have more patience and all will come to us in time.

Halloween Adventures

Yesterday, Meghan and Thomas invited kids from primary and school over for a Halloween party. It turned out well. The kids made homemade oreos, played pin the nose on the Jack O Latern, and ran around in the yard. This was thanks to it actually turning out nice yesterday.

We took the kids out trick or treating this evening. A lot of people do not do this anymore, but we have lived in this neighborhood so long that we will take them, as long as we are living here. This was a landmark occasion, it was the first time in 11 years that we have not taken a stroller out with us. This will be the case from now on.

Cameron had a Halloween party with scouts. Thomas and Cameron had one at school. Meghan missed hers at school, because it has taken all week for her to be better from being sick. Zach's teacher made them treats and they celebrated at school, as well.

The Wall

Over the summer we got into walking and I started to see a difference in the way I looked. But then my husband lost his job and I hit a wall, gaining back anything I may have lost. My goal is to get going again. I want to be thinner. I always say I wish I could go back to high school when I thought I was "fat." Which would also be pre any kids. My breasts are bigger than the average gal, to say the least. This has always been the case. Short of a reduction surgery, there is no cure for that. However, if I can get back on the reducing my size wagon, I will be good.

My husband had a job interview yesterday. He said they interview at least 50 people. However it was not what he thought the job was going to be and when they asked him about his actual experience, he had not had much. But it did give him a chance to attend the temple. He enjoyed that. He came away with the impression that going to Law School is the definite path we need to be on. He is registered for the LSAT for December 5th. We did not have to pay the fee, because we got a waiver! Of this I am grateful. By the end of January, he will be applying to schools. Preferrably being accepted to either BYU or UNLV. We have people in these areas he can stay with, so we will not have to move. I can stay at my job, so we have income coming in and he can get his unemployment until he enrolls in school.

On another note, I have been very worried about Christmas for my kids. Until recently, when I had this feeling of peace about it. That we would make it work, no matter what. Then my mom called me this afternoon and told me that her wonderful cousin who lives up north and 4 of her friends were looking for a family to do Sub 4 Santa for. She said they wanted to do it for our kids. I am so grateful. Of all the families out there they could have chosen, they chose us. My mom's cousin is a kindred spirit. She always has been. This is a HUGE burden that has been lifted for mine and my husband's shoulders. Now we know that we can do what we can, and the Lord has blessed us with the rest. Of this, I am so grateful. Our prayers are being answered.

While we work toward our goals, we will become stronger as a family. Stronger than we have ever been. My family is my world. All that I have been given. As well as my choice friends, who listen and understand. Kindred spirits are those that love us unconditionally and accept us for who we are. I am thankful for those that bless my life. I also have to wish my mom a Happy Birthday!!! She is such an example of strength to me. If it was not for her, I have not idea what kind of person I would be.